Authentic Self

I wonder to myself if I let go of all my possession, my load lighten
Would I be a lesser version of myself?
Would love, passion, friendship shift color and change shape?
Would I be free of expectation, my own jail cell?
I wonder if you lose all your passion, your soul, and faith
You would be a different person with different shape and form?
Your eyes glazed, twisted limp, crooked teeth
Would your appearance dictate what is going on inside your soul?
I wonder if love, trust, faith would endure life's hardship
Would love give you wings to rise above the pain
Would trust give you strength to withstand the hard rain
Would faith install peace in the evolving chaos?
I wonder life is a rainbow full of colors, the reflection of my sky
We all share this sky, but why can't you see through my eyes?

If I change, I know life with the colorful rainbow would still be mine!

My Father

I didn't get to know you as a young man
I saw your pictures; with twinkle eyes
hands on hips by the sea you stand
The image of a father, a happy man
Wild heart, poetry, and romance
With your legend, Dad! I don't stand a chance

Now you are gone I have only wishes
More time together so I can shower you with kisses
To tell you my stories of how strong I have become
Mortal words, mortal pain; how much I have changed

With much prayers, hopes, and spirits
I will try to remember everything you did
Everything you tried to teach and share
And every time I catch a glimpse of the open sky
I will remember of how you wanted me to fly
With warm heart and on a straight line
Just like you said; “A golden heart is hard to find”
Dad! I miss you

Compassionate Heart

In hard time don’t forget we are made of light and energy
That our existence interlink with the rest of the universe
That our thoughts and actions carry more weight than we can ever imagine
That our hopes and loves give hope and love to others
That the torch we are carrying is the same one our ancestors upheld, millions of year ago
In their footsteps, we are carrying on their warrior blood lines, their legends

In hard time foster on inner peace and your compassionate heart
What we need is so little, what we want is inconclusive
Count on your blessing instead of curse, don’t despair
Don’t forget to say thank you, greet the day with gratitude
Every breath we take is a gift, don’t waste it
Next time you inhale, smile before you exhale
Breathe in the suffering life harbored on the less unfortunate
And breathe out the compassionate of your being

In hard time I won’t forget
My time here is short, but my influence is vast
I can make a difference with my little effort; one life, one voice
That is all I have to offer, but I am willing to offer
I want to see the world and share my stories
I want to see you happy and hear your stories
The twist and turn and all the other curves on the path we travel
Stay well, stay strong and know every time you smile, I smile
And every time you cry, I will be there with my arms spread
I will catch you with everything I have; my heart is with you, all of my being

Positive or negative, the seed is in you; cultivate the love and desire that will embrace your soul

Heart song

Hope is nudging me to pet her. She won't let me hold her but she wants to be petted. I said to Hope "Can you just sit still and let me hold you, please? It would be so much more fun for both of us" but she will have none of it. Now she is sitting at the end of the sofa dozing off but still keeping her guard up. Perfect example of human relationship.

“If relationships were restaurants, I’d like the check please,” I said to my friend the other day after agonizing over the complexity of love. Are we scared to be loved? Or have both men and women’s pride been equalized, leaving both sexes defensive and guarded of their hearts and feelings.

As I look back on my past relationship essentially, I realize that I never told the other person how I really felt about them. And even still, when I have rarely ever verbally expressed my emotions or pursued someone who I have been so blindly in love with, I have gotten hurt.

Sometimes I think about how things would be different if I addressed the white elephant in the room- if I had just admitted to being helplessly and so defenselessly in love. Would that have made a difference?

When all is said and done, or in my case unsaid and undone, I cannot help but believe perspective of love is skewed. Women are expected to believe that ‘he’s just not that into you’ while men try to conceal their emotions to protect themselves from being hurt.

It’s a terribly painful double edged sword. And at the end of the day I wonder, should love be this difficult? My friend responded to me and said, “relationships are a seven course meal, and you are just beginning your appetizers.”

The answer though is really for you to decide.

But I promise you, dear soulmate, that I love you. And I always will. And maybe that is enough to make me believe why it never worked out with anyone else.