Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Become Your Dream

Learning something new tonight... I am living a sheltered life and surround myself with like minded people so I am a little on the naive side... Life is not always about roses and songs... But I know that... I took care of the materialistic part... I took care of the part that society find so important. What about what is important to me? What about KINDNESS?  What about LOVE? What about admiration, respect, and attachment?  I am not afraid of attachment and have a pretty healthy expection of LOVE. Can a person goes on dropping all that had learned along the way so every day wake up a brand new babe? I have so much more to offer than skin deep since my soul will cry out to you and begs for attention.
Every waking hour different people and situation have challenged me. I am who I am and I know who I am... I am that and that and all that...

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Thursday, March 26, 2009

My personal ad

Everybody told me I need to put a list together to solidify the perfect man for me so the universe can send him my way, here you go.

If you know of anyone that match the list, send him my way...:-)

Looking for a strong minded man. A fighter.
I need to have the mental "ummmphhh" with you.
A rugged intellectual. Too cool to care and too cute to worry.
Someone who is willing to challenge me and let me win sometimes and kick my behind sometimes.
A gentleman ruffneck. A bad boy that loves and respects his mama.
Someone with a big heart. Will fight for justice and little puppies.
Someone that believes good things happen to good people and good looking people too. Have a sense of humor.
Appreciate fun trouble because it is good for the soul. But you need to know how to get out of trouble when you are deep in it.
Someone with no insecurity and jealousy baggage. I left mine on the conveyor belt overseas so it can’t find its way back to me. You should do the same.
And understand I will not give up my identity for anyone.
I know my moral boundaries, so should you.
UBU so ICBME (You be you so I can be me)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


We all want to fly but when and at what price
The caterpillar doesn't want to die
It is beautiful and wonder in its own way
I am once a caterpillar and still a caterpillar
My wings are strong but not yet dry
Attachment, delusions make the web of my cocoon
When and how I can learn to fly
To be free and become one with the open sky

Seeker - Osho

"Seeker is not a believer’s world. It is not for the faithful ones; it is for the souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason, mind, and simply living without boundaries. It changes you not with your reasoning and intellectual mind but with your loving heart. And a moment come suddenly that you see it, which has been eluding you your whole life. It is very much like the experience of after years of seeking, you finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that you can do. Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And like death it takes you from one dimension into another."

I am experiencing one of my mini death moments; moving from one dimension to another.

Moon Face

Do you see my soul napping in the palm of your hand?
Dwell deeply in peace and the silent universe
Seek wisdom
Hiding behind my verse
Seek freedom; rise above human greed and pain
Do you see my soul when you close your eyes?
What lingered is a piece of my sky
I left it there
The ancient morsel
To lift you up
Wish you well on your journey of much struggle and heartache

A poem - from a distant past

Do you see the moon?
It stares down from the sky
It pales as the dawn grows near
It sleeps in the palm of my hand
If I concentrate, I could swear its light carries the faintest scent--is it jasmine, or some other, ineffable, undiscovered bloom?
Nothing could be colder, yet I crave the ancient warmth that must still smolder in its dying, molten core, mustn't it?
Nothing so seemingly alive could be just an illusion of life--could it?
I insist upon its distance, yet I welcome the gift--the rhythm and the swell--of its tidal caress.
It races. It stands still.
It hides in plain sight, using only shadows as its camouflage.
She tries to look away, but I force her to face me, always face me, even when she's hidden in shadow.
Even when she's sure I cannot see her.
Even when you're sure you cannot see me, you stare, unflinching, unwilling to look away even if you could.
Unable to separate your will from mine.
Your thought from mine.
Assured by forgotten memories that my distant presence is inevitable, but unable to look away just the same, in case miss your next, final glimpse.

Rear View Mirror by CL

Here I stand gazing at your tail-lights fade into the distance
Don’t look behind you for I do not want you to see
How this indelible moment can not set me free
From missing you

May the breeze take you to where the beating of your heart makes sense
May the things you learn and the friends you gain won’t change the way you are
For I know the kindness of your heart remains here with me
Forever like the imprint of the sun setting across the sea

As you glance outside your bedroom window and look out onto the horizon
Do believe that the best is yet to come, as I look onward to your return
But until then I understand the length of time and distance
From my home to your home just like December to June

Do look up onto the stars from time to time
For we may share the same light on the exact same night
And when you cross all the mountains that you have to climb
From where you stand the view of the world may be a better sight

Still do believe that there’s a path, which will lead you back to me
Just don’t take too long because it's your heart that time will pilfer
So when you are done with conquering all your dreams, you'll see
That path will await you in your rear view mirror.


Your love, your care, your generous heart
I move on, I live, I grow
Life is a train that never stop
Never wait for a moment
But I want to take this moment
To stop and tell you
That I love you
I care and I understand
The power of love

Forever in debt of your generous heart
Of your loving, kindness and care
I am so sorry I can't be there in your need
To hold your hand and tell you how much I care
And let you cry on my shoulders
So Lisa
This life and so many lives to come
We will be kindred spirits
But for sure... I will be the rainbow
The sunshine, the little flower
To cheer you up when your days are not going your way
To pay back the sister's love
Of all the years you were there and give to me
The love of a mother I never had

Lisa, you lost your best friend and I have to watch my sister in pain. Not fun.  This life and so many more lives if possible I want to be there as your sister again and again. Life is so short and I don't understand why we struggle so much in between.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Snowing in March - Seattle

Snowing in March, Seattle sad and cold
Gray sky, hot coffee
Stranger walked by and asked
Why so sad little girl
Forgot your smile?
The sad face, empty eyes
Shadow by the side of the windows
What do you see?
Don’t be shy, I want to know
What do you see?
When you look at the Seattle’s gray sky?

I see empty souls, lost hopes, sad eyes
I see prayers, and angels trafficking across the sky
I see God
I see my struggle
The price for the freedom I gain
Shedding my cocoon is painful
But I want to fly like a beautiful butterfly
Gray sky or no gray sky
I will fly with a smile…

Snowing in March, I love the Seattle’s sky!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Verge of Change (dedicated to my fellow Wamulians)

It feels like you are approaching a ledge
And you might fall with the masses
But you don’t know
And the anticipation of the force
Is destructive
The indetermination state, precarious
Lack of principal and visions
Full of confusion and chaos
The fall is high
Pain might be great
But at least you can start rebuild
And keep moving forward
Right now
The state of oblivion, treacherous
The loss will be felt by all
The fallen and the survivor, heartbreak

Sunday, March 22, 2009


"Everybody sees how you seem, however, only some know who you are."

The greatest events, aren't the loudest but the most quiet hours

I was a dreamy kid, maybe a little spoiled.  Philosophy really had nothing to do with what I wanted.  I wanted truth with a capital T.  I was shocked by the suffering in the world.  And I had an unhappy love, a long term relationship that didn't work out, which really loosened my mooring for a while.  So philosophy caught me on the rebound.  At the time I believe that I had seen through the empty values of the modern world and exhausted my personal delusions.  The world is still empty and my personal delusions are inexhaustible. 

I could feel that old dangerous vagueness in myself today, the sudden gape of longing, blind and fierce and ravenous for some impossible delicacy.  For a music I had never quite heard but always suspected was there, if I could just listen right.  For a love that did not fail.  For the surprise of goodness.  But it all sounded wrong and clumsy.  And somewhere in the longs course of getting to know myself it became clear to me that I hadn't renounced intimacy at all.  I had simply failed at it. There is a liberation in a truth like that.  

There is a lightness that comes when you realize that you're not going to be able to make something work, no matter how hard you try.   When you finally let go of wanting, out of pure exhaustion. 

Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.
Robert Frost- Bereft

Friday, March 20, 2009

Diamond in the rough - From PB

I was there when the wind blew
My surface was rough, cold and dark
But when looked at carefully and struck in the right place, I shone with brightness
I was dull, dirty, and plain
But I didn't weather away; I remained faithful, loyal, and dedicated
I was heavy to bear but also provided a solid foundation
I used to be a rock
Have I become nothing but sand?
Have I slipping through the fingers of my love?
To be washed away into the salty sea of my tears?

I touch the sky

I am learning to grow intimate with my weakness so the strength I gain won't be hollow.

I have been thru the revolving doors. Now I want to stand still.

Dante's definition of hell:
Proximity without intimacy.

Duty is like washing your hand when it’s dirty. When duty and love become one, you have grace in your life.

Like Pinocchio I strive to become REAL… Instead of a wooden heart, instead of a hard shell I want to be soft and vulnerable.

I want to get away from wanting to fit into that PERFECT MOLD. Have a good job with high pay. Stay in good shape doesn’t matter how busy I am. Always loving and caring and never show my true feelings. (Being that perfect porcelain doll came to mindJ and it's breakable). I just want to be ME.

When the mind stop turning, wisdom speak.


I search for the sign
of Daffodils and Cherry blossoms
on the street of Seattle, Spring's signal
This morning
Spring has come quietly

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The core of your soul

I am not sure that I have changed. I know that today I am a little more aware of my body, a little more aware of nature, a little more aware of other people. But that's not really "Changed". It's more "Returned", returned to some of what I started in life with. And I also know that I am a little more tolerant of the way I am, and of the way people are (those two things are usually go together). And I know that I have a few more alternatives now. I am able to respond in some way that I couldn't have a few years ago. I think only ideas change. Awareness and tolerance and openness don't seem to really change me, they just allow me. Your ideas change, but you always remain the same.

It is very simple, if I never try anything I don't learn anything. If I don't take risk, I stay where I am.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I was told

The thought is beautiful
But the heart is even more
Who can say the future is stored
For such heart
For such soul
To have but not to hold
To find such love is rare I was told
We crossed path
The lonely road but never down cast
The less traveled or the much protected wall
Such devotion
Such emotion
Don’t loose touch of your dreams
Don’t loose touch of other’s dreams too
To have but not to hold
To find such love is rare I was told

Monday, March 16, 2009

Seattle in Spring

Far away some where I left the golden sand beaches
To come and live in the rain and old city houses
Rainy day gray sky Seattle’s streets cover in blooms
Spring has come with cherry blossoms and pink tulips
Yellow daffodils, blue grass, bright eyes, and smiling faces
This is the world I live in; this is the world I want to see
Happy soul and happy family!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

L'odeur d'un passé perdu long

L'odeur de printemps et de ciel peut seulement décrire sans mots. L'odeur de l'orchidée ancienne qui fleurissent seuls dans la forêt profonde sans intrusion d'homme.
Dans la vie, nous nous souvenons des moments
l'odeur d'un passé perdu long
la finale glimspe de l'amour
Est-ce que je suis une faute juste parce que j'ai fait celui ?
Il n'y a aucune telle chose qu'une faute
Il y a seulement ce qui arrive
Amoureux il y a seulement l'amour
Et je vous aime avec tout mon coeur

Everything I need

With each relationship I grow
With each pain I get kinder
I was crumbled and humbled
I was crusted, twisted and chained
In my heartbreak pains
I am grateful for the lonely dark nights
In the darkest hours
I have found my lights
Love is here right inside of me
The little soft voice that I can't see
Pass the pain, pass the greed
I have in me everything I need
To become everything I want to be
A happy version of me
A simple happy little V :-)

Last Dance

You were supposed to be my last dance
My last tango with the two of us hand in hand
Our wedding song is still fresh in my mind
"At Last" with Etta James and our loving friends
Wedding dress in pink
The lesson learned and love lost
Who knows what time will bring and what kind of pain
One thing I know
You were supposed to be my last dance
Will you be the one that keep me wonder for the rest of my life?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Before the sun wakes me up and shakes me with reality
Before the day wraps me up and carries me away
Before I forget to say how much I care for you
This is what I have to say
My love for you is here to stay

Before I close my eyes and go to sleep
Before I drift to dream land and feel the night’s grip
Before we travel that parallel universes
The last thing I want to remember
Is the tenderness of your warm kiss!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Come Home

Happy is just be
From one moment to the next
Be mindful, you see!

There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situation is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then we are able to hear our truth; the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.

Now is the time to come home to yourself.

My heroes

Once you get to know somebody you start to realize they are human too. We each have our own stories to tell and a cross to bear. I always remind myself there are other heroes out there and I love to learn from them. My teachers are my family and everyday friends and their life’s experiences; you are one of them. I learn a little more about you and a little more about me. Pain, joy, laughter, tears, love, hate, want, need are passing emotion. Only wisdom is seeded deep in the soul so I am always striving for wisdom. Yes, my past pain some time resurfaced and driven my foolishness reaction. But I always try to take time off to slow down to contemplate and never fail to come back with a kinder newer perspective. My philosophy is it takes a stronger person to be kind. Cruel people are usually weak and full of fear. Because of this belief I am sometime give more to the people that hurt me. They need my compassion more; there is a pain that need to be healed behind the rage. So thank you for listening to my soft stories. The stories of victory and defeat; the stories of my life; I wouldn’t have it any other way.

CALM: do not react, speak slowly
RELAXED: smile often
UNCONCERNED: don't worry too much
UNTROUBLED: handle with grace
EASY: speak softly
SATISFIED: say thank you
SIMPLE: accept people for who they are
ENLIGHTEN: trust other will do the right thing
CLARIFY: ask question before assume
CERTAIN: be sure of myself
PROMISING: believe in good thing
RELIABLE: be on time, respect of other schedule

Daily reflection

Grow up and take responsibility for your own emotional and well being. Have a set of moral values that you can believe in and practice daily. Set boundaries so others can understand and respect your stand… Everything I learned very recently but never too late, never too late… I am humbling and grateful for the life 's lessons. I reflect on my own actions and words by watching other's actions and words.  The transformation had taken place so drastically the moment I gave it my attention and support. I am at peace. I am in peace.

Lucy - our lesson of unconditional love

Alyssa was crying when she brought Lucy to me on Saturday’s night. She was worried since her little puppy was acting abnormal. I tried to assure her by examined Lucy and I told her to stop being so paranoid; “Lucy is alright” I said. Sunday morning Alyssa woke me up with Lucy in her arms crying even harder. Lucy now is paralyzed from the waist down. She can’t move her hind legs anymore. I panicked and instant tears came to my eyes. My poor little babies, Alyssa and Lucy; they are both in pain. Given Alyssa is my daughter and Lucy is her puppy, I realized my love is boundless for both of them. There is no separation from human to animal; in love there is no distinction in shape, size, and color. It is just love. I look at my daughter and wondered what about love that when someone you cared for in pain, you are in pain. What part of you conjoined with love’s one that your psyches are now some how mesh.

We took Lucy to the only open emergency vet office in Seattle areas in Fremont. I drove with one hand and the other on Alyssa and Lucy. I wanted to comfort them, to take the pain away from them. I felt so helpless and out of control.

We left Lucy at the emergency room to be watched over night. The doctor was convinced that she had spinal hernia, something that is quite common with Lapso Apso breed. She was put on steroid to calm her hernia and we were hoping that would fix the problem. Many calls back and forth during the day and the doctor finally called with the bad news. She was getting worst and the drug didn’t work. We had to take her to a neurologist. Neurologist for a dog; I was thinking to myself silently, the bill will be astronomical. We went to see the neurologist and it was confirmed that Lucy needed surgery. I had to make the moral decision to let Lucy die slowly with her paralysis or tried to save her with surgery. Alyssa was crying so hard, she said “Mommy I never love anything so much. I don’t want her to die.” I thought of the bill. I evaluated the options. But in my heart I knew what the right thing to do was; I need to give Lucy a chance. So I handed Lucy over the expert asked them to do their best to take care of our little love and make peace with myself. I have to do the right thing or I will never be able to live with myself.

Alyssa told me on the way home that she loves me and thanked me for standing by her, support her, and indulge her love for Lucy. And she said “Mommy, you taught us so much but the most important thing you taught us how to be a good person”.

I am grateful Lucy has taught us a lesson of love. In the darkest hours we have found our lights. We learn in our lives when we love somebody do everything we can to take care of them. Do the best you can and let’s the universe decide the outcome. That is all you needed to do; from moment to moment do the right thing. Love with your heart and not your head. Love is action and not just a word.

Lifecycle of a Broken Heart

Lifecycle of a broken heart
Get very close and get very scared
Push and pull the dance of nightmare
Open up sometime feels like a death
When you have to face sadness and fear
Letting go always bring lots of tears
But it’s worth trying, worth pushing through
This is the only way, living your truth
And with luck you will find a mate
Will take the pain and all your mistakes
Cast it away with forgiveness and care
Will endure and promise to be there
When you crash and your castle falls apart

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wonder who everybody is

Wondering who everybody is... Blood in and nose... Six two or five three... All that.

Brown eyes but see life through rose's color glasses
Black long hair await to be gray
Soft heart despite life's trial and error
That is me or not me


My silent world
That is where I want to be
Full of hopes, dreams, and humanity

My silent soul
That is who I want to be
Full of peace, grace, and humility

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sunny Afternoon

Chatter Box - I sat in the sun and read for hours. It was peaceful but the slow time scared me. The noise got louder and wanted attention. All are in the chase. My thoughts are my shadows and I can't denounce it. But I can acknowledge my thoughts and with the acknowledgement I process and let it go.

Surrender - I planted some roses, pansies, sages, geraniums in a very dry and sunny spot in the garden. Nothing else will survive in this spot but the roses will thrive. There is a place for everything. You have to be open and aware to realize it. There is a reason for where you are and who you are with. Something about letting go and surrender to the universe. Still learning and growing everyday.

Little Boys

Little giggling monsters
How much I miss kissing you
Little hands dirty with mud
Little feet quickly run through the yard
Little chatter box
And laughing all over again
Little boys are made of frog
And nothing nice
Ah the little monsters
Love to make their little sister cry
It has been awhile
Since I hold you in my arms
Tickle you until you run and hide
Ben, Nicholas, Marcus
My little giggling monsters
You better run and hide
Since the kissing monster
Is running right behind

Innocent Love

I was told since I was young
Soft talk and big brown eyes
Day dreaming with soft blue sky
Be protected of this heart of mine
Lost days on mile of hills
Lost nights on sky of stars
Out of reach then and now still
I dream of a love that is so far
When did I realized
The only constant thing in life
Sweet love in this heart of mine
Day comes and day goes
You come and you go
Now I am lost in my skies of stars
And tears of soft brown eyes
Gone the last constant thing in life
Lost the innocent love
In this heart of mine

Sunday, March 8, 2009

You inspired me - from CK

I read you word, memories flash in my mind,
I hearken back to those happy childhood times,
days spent in play, my days of youth,
the world then was filled with simple truths,
and Mom and Dad were always right,
things then seemed so black and white.
And when the sun hid above the clouds,
and on the ground they cast a shroud,
I went on with my childhood games,
for after rain I knew the rainbows came.
Sometimes I long for those easier days,
those happy, carefree, simple ways,
when the world was just a place to play.
But I take comfort in the thought,
of what my age and growth has brought,
I realize that simpler time,
was just a product of my childhood mind,
for as I flourished in my youth,
my parents shielded me from life's harder truths,
they made for me a world with little care,
where dreams came true if you dared
and so as your parents did for you,
you do for your children too,
and as you shield them from the world's hurt and despise,
you may glimpse the world through their eyes,
and in the glimpse of childhood fun and simple truths,
we get a little chance to relive youth...

Chaos - From CK

Chaos, no, change and new beginnings
Same feast of life, just with new trimmings
Horizons widen
Not choice lessen
And though past chapters may be closed
Future pages are waiting for life's ink to flow
So write with flair and great expression
Yet take heed in past chapters lessons
And watch as verse and line unfold
Your life's story, the work of gold

Thank you CK!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Never Lost

The test of time and test of grace
I might lost my grace but I still have time
It doesn't matter how hard I fall
Bouncing back is how I regain my grace
Short term goal versus long term plan
The instant fix is so hard to attain
To know yourself, what is the cost?
I am here; who I am is never lost
How far are you willing to go
How much are you willing to pay
On the journey that defines your own fate
My parents gave me life and taught me grace
Got nothing to do with race or where I was born
This is who I am and what I choose to be
A human with feelings and flesh, you see!
Yes, I have olive skin and brown eyes
And my eyes disappear when I smile
Just an appearance, just a borrow phase
In theory I am the "Little White Cloud"
In reality do you know what I am?
Am I a perception, a person, or just a face?

The Secret Hour

I am in the picture, I can't see the picture
Hide in my shell, whisper in solitude
The mind's eyes search for the absolute
The only shadow, the reflection of my soul

The secret hour, the quiet hour
When wisdom rides on the wings of dove
When wisdom speaks the tongue of love

Seattle's gray sky

Gray sky, Seattle's sky
I miss the sunshine
Summer time silly green
Silent music on the lake
Butterfly in magic dream
Seattle's sky, Seattle's sky
Soul of the Northwest
Stabbing pain in my side
Drink in the soft breath
Just enough to get by

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Snow White

Seattle snow white winter
Trees in simmering white coats
fluttering snow flakes


I pray today I find my strength to be the best of me
I pray today that I have the wisdom to treat others with respect and kindness
I pray today I will have the courage to acknowledge, honor my pain and commit to release it so I can be happy
I pray today that peace will be in my home, my heart and with others

Gift of Friendship

When you need it
Will you
Would you
Allow me to lend a hand or a shoulder
To help carried the weight of the world
Will you
Would you
As fragile as life seems
Believe in love and eternity
That we will go on forever
In each other heart
In every thoughts and every prayers
Will you
Would you
Allow me to be your friend?
To touch your heart
And lift your soul
On a hard rainy day!

To Elizabeth on her graduation

In hard time, please don’t forget
Your heart is wiser than you think

I know life is not always fair, easy, or simple
I know laughters are always mixed with tears
I know joy and sadness are the two faces of reality
But I also know with your spirit
and the warrior blood in your vein
You will always triumph
In your own way
In your own time

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


So often my confessions are my request for permission; I am testing to see if it will be OK with everyone if I happen to be myself.  I tell them what I am like, before I risk being that way.


Is the strength
To be different, from the crowd


Everything is tangled.  We can't connect everything with a neat line we long for. We are all scared of possession, connection, belonging.  But how long can we suspense our lives in fear of drowning?  The voice of another human will wake us up and pain and joy will hitch a ride with it... Welcome to real life.


I see the sky, soul seeker, teacher of eyes
I feel the warm, smiling faces across the miles
Imagine all the possibilities
Imagine the most beautiful places to be
Street of stars
Avenue of faith
Take my hand
Lead your way
And together we will be
In the kingdom of the FREE

Free of judgment, free of fear, free of boundaries, free and happy like the butterflies in my roses garden


I am a student of Tao's
Stare at the moon and make weird sounds
Living in the now
I want, I try, I don't know how
Nirvana is it for man?
I pray, I meditate but still I can't
Just like a castle built on sand
All my efforts are in God's hands

Love Hurts

I ask a wise man
Why love hurts
He smiles and says
Because it feels good
In the seed of passion
Grow the tree of pain
the deeper you feel
The sadder the pan
Open your heart
Risk your soul
The only way to live
Is to live in full


If love is the only source
To keep life flowing
If love is the only source
To keep the heart singing
In giving am I receiving?
In receiving am I forgiven?

Saturday Morning

Saturday morning I sit waiting for the sky
To lit up with the morning light
Sleepless night
Starry sky
I learned that I can't rush time
Can't push too much
Can't ask for too much
So I sit here waiting for the sigh
When time is right
When time has come
I will fly
You see I will fly
I paid my due
I cried my tears
Now it is time for me to smile
I keep inside me a little light
My light
Yes, my own light
I take my own advice
I stake my our course
Saturday morning I smile

Perfect Chaos

One more move, lots of changes
Teary eyes, I hang on the last of memories
Letting go, in the hope for peace
It's not easy; I thought I'd let you know
One more time, my life is turned up side down
Taking risks, who says it's not hard
Standing still, who says it's not easy
Ignored pain, so what if I feel pain
One more change, I search for growth
Turn my back, letting go of sorrow
Perfect chaos, I can't wait for tomorrow

Leap of Faith

Leap of faith
Take a dive into the wide open sky
Life is great when you are not afraid
Stretch your imagination
Spread your wings
Be the eagle that soars among the mountain top
Sing your songs
You are free above the whistling trees
Take a step
Maybe take two, the impossible two
And maybe when you do
You will find out the only pain
Is the pain
of a life unchanged


Close my eyes and I can see
In the center of the tempestuous mind
In the excess of cosmic energy
The true image of a virtual psyche
Speckle of sand stand naked is me
Strip all layers of grief and regret
Strip all layers of joy and happiness
Bare row and row of life true tests
With mortal eyes this is all I can see
The illusion of what it might be
The possibility of Eternity


Your love for flowers, for trees, for all living things
Your gentle embrace, your laughter, sense of humor
My confidence, my center, everything I hold dear
A song, falling leaves, faded colors can bring me tears
You are gone, I am lost
Dad, your memories flood my days


If you love, you care, you are at risk.  Since the void, the fear of lost, the absence of love's one will poke a hole in your heart.


Through a person's eyes
You can see their sky
The twinkle, the lines
The stamp of times
It's in the eyes


There is a skylark, crying in the air
Quiet and shy
In the midnight sky
There is a skylark, smiling blue eyes
Would you like to be mine
Tell me what you want to be
This time the dream is on me

Girl Friends

Aloneness rises in the darken night
Souls reflect in the iridescent light
Here on earth angels have no wings
Only hands to caress the broken strings
Midnight flight across the stars
Girl friends' love to ease the scars
I will be here for you when all seem to fall
Lift you up, give you love from afar
The only love that has no string
From the angels that have no wings
In deep sleep I hear the angels sing

3 AM

Something about waking up at 3am makes a person feel very lonely. The house is full of people still deep at sleep; the quiet, stillness of an early morning. I haven’t had a haunted 3 am wake up for a long time. Maybe after my dad passed away, for weeks I woke up at 3 am with the pain of his memories. Today I woke up because of my own pain; the internal struggle of my conscious and subconscious mind. I sat for hours staring out of the windows; watching the trees slowly waking up to the morning light. The quiet journey of an early morning wake; this is our little quiet conversation, the confession from soul to soul. I can see the big picture slowly, painfully. I am peeling away my layers of illusion, raw, naked, and discerning. I am no longer running from reality…

Early Morning

Big trees, little trees
Quietly dance in the early morning stillness
Leaves sway slowly to the drunkenness of dawn
Dizzy from the lack of sleep
Words are like rain, jumping from leaf to leaf
Whispering the song of verses, nature’s poetry in action
Every waking moment; little by little it fills my soul
Word by word; it fills up my journal
Step by step; getting closer to my truth
Enjoy a quiet moment of peace and serenity
Longing for the end of my fight
I am filled with light
I am one with the sky; the morning sky

The little voice

Take a deep breath, look around, look within and when you become one with pain; you will no longer need to go out to seek for comfort. Take this time to seek your higher power and be at ease with yourself. You are already on your way… It is the only way to find the little voice that only you can hear and appreciate.


Like a little flower she quietly blooms
Unaware of her power she thought the world is doom
Beautiful sky I saw in her eyes
Full of wonders and wishes same as mine
Waves of life with ebb and flow
Promise of a new tomorrow if she learns to let go
The safety net of yesterday
Old patterns, sad memories don’t need to stay
Existence is the way
All she has to do is living for today


I walk a thousand steps
To the hill of the sage
Ask him again the questions of why
Why the bells ring when I look into your eyes
Why my heart sings when you are by my side
Wake up in the morning, you light up the overcast sky
With kisses, with tenderness in your eyes
In the morning hush I can hear your smile
Take my breath away, you fill up my life
Right next to you, that is how I fly

New beginning

New beginning
Second chance in life
I start fresh
No more waiting
No more chance
Twinkle eyes
With a heart
Full with hopes
Happy day
Is here to stay