Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Every waking hour different people and situation have challenged me. I am who I am and I know who I am... I am that and that and all that...
PUT YOUR RECORDS ON - Corrine
Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Everybody told me I need to put a list together to solidify the perfect man for me so the universe can send him my way, here you go.
If you know of anyone that match the list, send him my way...:-)
Looking for a strong minded man. A fighter.
I need to have the mental "ummmphhh" with you.
A rugged intellectual. Too cool to care and too cute to worry.
Someone who is willing to challenge me and let me win sometimes and kick my behind sometimes.
A gentleman ruffneck. A bad boy that loves and respects his mama.
Someone with a big heart. Will fight for justice and little puppies.
Someone that believes good things happen to good people and good looking people too. Have a sense of humor.
Appreciate fun trouble because it is good for the soul. But you need to know how to get out of trouble when you are deep in it.
Someone with no insecurity and jealousy baggage. I left mine on the conveyor belt overseas so it can’t find its way back to me. You should do the same.
And understand I will not give up my identity for anyone.
I know my moral boundaries, so should you.
UBU so ICBME (You be you so I can be me)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
We all want to fly but when and at what price
I am experiencing one of my mini death moments; moving from one dimension to another.
Dwell deeply in peace and the silent universe
Hiding behind my verse
Seek freedom; rise above human greed and pain
Do you see my soul when you close your eyes?
What lingered is a piece of my sky
I left it there
The ancient morsel
To lift you up
Wish you well on your journey of much struggle and heartache
It pales as the dawn grows near
It sleeps in the palm of my hand
If I concentrate, I could swear its light carries the faintest scent--is it jasmine, or some other, ineffable, undiscovered bloom?
Nothing could be colder, yet I crave the ancient warmth that must still smolder in its dying, molten core, mustn't it?
Nothing so seemingly alive could be just an illusion of life--could it?
I insist upon its distance, yet I welcome the gift--the rhythm and the swell--of its tidal caress.
It races. It stands still.
It hides in plain sight, using only shadows as its camouflage.
She tries to look away, but I force her to face me, always face me, even when she's hidden in shadow.
Even when she's sure I cannot see her.
Even when you're sure you cannot see me, you stare, unflinching, unwilling to look away even if you could.
Unable to separate your will from mine.
Your thought from mine.
Assured by forgotten memories that my distant presence is inevitable, but unable to look away just the same, in case miss your next, final glimpse.
Don’t look behind you for I do not want you to see
How this indelible moment can not set me free
From missing you
May the breeze take you to where the beating of your heart makes sense
May the things you learn and the friends you gain won’t change the way you are
For I know the kindness of your heart remains here with me
Forever like the imprint of the sun setting across the sea
As you glance outside your bedroom window and look out onto the horizon
Do believe that the best is yet to come, as I look onward to your return
But until then I understand the length of time and distance
From my home to your home just like December to June
Do look up onto the stars from time to time
For we may share the same light on the exact same night
And when you cross all the mountains that you have to climb
From where you stand the view of the world may be a better sight
Still do believe that there’s a path, which will lead you back to me
Just don’t take too long because it's your heart that time will pilfer
So when you are done with conquering all your dreams, you'll see
That path will await you in your rear view mirror.
Forever in debt of your generous heart
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Gray sky, hot coffee
Stranger walked by and asked
Why so sad little girl
Forgot your smile?
The sad face, empty eyes
Shadow by the side of the windows
What do you see?
Don’t be shy, I want to know
What do you see?
When you look at the Seattle’s gray sky?
I see empty souls, lost hopes, sad eyes
I see prayers, and angels trafficking across the sky
I see God
I see my struggle
The price for the freedom I gain
Shedding my cocoon is painful
But I want to fly like a beautiful butterfly
Gray sky or no gray sky
I will fly with a smile…
Snowing in March, I love the Seattle’s sky!
Monday, March 23, 2009
It feels like you are approaching a ledge
And you might fall with the masses
But you don’t know
And the anticipation of the force
The indetermination state, precarious
Lack of principal and visions
Full of confusion and chaos
The fall is high
Pain might be great
But at least you can start rebuild
And keep moving forward
The state of oblivion, treacherous
The loss will be felt by all
The fallen and the survivor, heartbreak
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
I was there when the wind blew
I am learning to grow intimate with my weakness so the strength I gain won't be hollow.
I have been thru the revolving doors. Now I want to stand still.
Dante's definition of hell:
Proximity without intimacy.
Duty is like washing your hand when it’s dirty. When duty and love become one, you have grace in your life.
Like Pinocchio I strive to become REAL… Instead of a wooden heart, instead of a hard shell I want to be soft and vulnerable.
I want to get away from wanting to fit into that PERFECT MOLD. Have a good job with high pay. Stay in good shape doesn’t matter how busy I am. Always loving and caring and never show my true feelings. (Being that perfect porcelain doll came to mindJ and it's breakable). I just want to be ME.
When the mind stop turning, wisdom speak.
I search for the sign
of Daffodils and Cherry blossoms
on the street of Seattle, Spring's signal
Spring has come quietly
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I am not sure that I have changed. I know that today I am a little more aware of my body, a little more aware of nature, a little more aware of other people. But that's not really "Changed". It's more "Returned", returned to some of what I started in life with. And I also know that I am a little more tolerant of the way I am, and of the way people are (those two things are usually go together). And I know that I have a few more alternatives now. I am able to respond in some way that I couldn't have a few years ago. I think only ideas change. Awareness and tolerance and openness don't seem to really change me, they just allow me. Your ideas change, but you always remain the same.
It is very simple, if I never try anything I don't learn anything. If I don't take risk, I stay where I am.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
But the heart is even more
Who can say the future is stored
For such heart
For such soul
To have but not to hold
To find such love is rare I was told
We crossed path
The lonely road but never down cast
The less traveled or the much protected wall
Don’t loose touch of your dreams
Don’t loose touch of other’s dreams too
To have but not to hold
To find such love is rare I was told
Monday, March 16, 2009
To come and live in the rain and old city houses
Rainy day gray sky Seattle’s streets cover in blooms
Spring has come with cherry blossoms and pink tulips
Yellow daffodils, blue grass, bright eyes, and smiling faces
This is the world I live in; this is the world I want to see
Happy soul and happy family!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
L'odeur de printemps et de ciel peut seulement décrire sans mots. L'odeur de l'orchidée ancienne qui fleurissent seuls dans la forêt profonde sans intrusion d'homme.
Dans la vie, nous nous souvenons des moments
l'odeur d'un passé perdu long
la finale glimspe de l'amour
Est-ce que je suis une faute juste parce que j'ai fait celui ?
Il n'y a aucune telle chose qu'une faute
Il y a seulement ce qui arrive
Amoureux il y a seulement l'amour
Et je vous aime avec tout mon coeur
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Before the day wraps me up and carries me away
Before I forget to say how much I care for you
This is what I have to say
My love for you is here to stay
Before I close my eyes and go to sleep
Before I drift to dream land and feel the night’s grip
Before we travel that parallel universes
The last thing I want to remember
Is the tenderness of your warm kiss!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
CALM: do not react, speak slowly
RELAXED: smile often
UNCONCERNED: don't worry too much
UNTROUBLED: handle with grace
EASY: speak softly
SATISFIED: say thank you
SIMPLE: accept people for who they are
ENLIGHTEN: trust other will do the right thing
CLARIFY: ask question before assume
CERTAIN: be sure of myself
PROMISING: believe in good thing
RELIABLE: be on time, respect of other schedule
Alyssa was crying when she brought Lucy to me on Saturday’s night. She was worried since her little puppy was acting abnormal. I tried to assure her by examined Lucy and I told her to stop being so paranoid; “Lucy is alright” I said. Sunday morning Alyssa woke me up with Lucy in her arms crying even harder. Lucy now is paralyzed from the waist down. She can’t move her hind legs anymore. I panicked and instant tears came to my eyes. My poor little babies, Alyssa and Lucy; they are both in pain. Given Alyssa is my daughter and Lucy is her puppy, I realized my love is boundless for both of them. There is no separation from human to animal; in love there is no distinction in shape, size, and color. It is just love. I look at my daughter and wondered what about love that when someone you cared for in pain, you are in pain. What part of you conjoined with love’s one that your psyches are now some how mesh.
We took Lucy to the only open emergency vet office in Seattle areas in Fremont. I drove with one hand and the other on Alyssa and Lucy. I wanted to comfort them, to take the pain away from them. I felt so helpless and out of control.
We left Lucy at the emergency room to be watched over night. The doctor was convinced that she had spinal hernia, something that is quite common with Lapso Apso breed. She was put on steroid to calm her hernia and we were hoping that would fix the problem. Many calls back and forth during the day and the doctor finally called with the bad news. She was getting worst and the drug didn’t work. We had to take her to a neurologist. Neurologist for a dog; I was thinking to myself silently, the bill will be astronomical. We went to see the neurologist and it was confirmed that Lucy needed surgery. I had to make the moral decision to let Lucy die slowly with her paralysis or tried to save her with surgery. Alyssa was crying so hard, she said “Mommy I never love anything so much. I don’t want her to die.” I thought of the bill. I evaluated the options. But in my heart I knew what the right thing to do was; I need to give Lucy a chance. So I handed Lucy over the expert asked them to do their best to take care of our little love and make peace with myself. I have to do the right thing or I will never be able to live with myself.
Alyssa told me on the way home that she loves me and thanked me for standing by her, support her, and indulge her love for Lucy. And she said “Mommy, you taught us so much but the most important thing you taught us how to be a good person”.
Get very close and get very scared
Push and pull the dance of nightmare
Open up sometime feels like a death
When you have to face sadness and fear
Letting go always bring lots of tears
But it’s worth trying, worth pushing through
This is the only way, living your truth
And with luck you will find a mate
Will take the pain and all your mistakes
Cast it away with forgiveness and care
Will endure and promise to be there
When you crash and your castle falls apart
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Brown eyes but see life through rose's color glasses
Black long hair await to be gray
Soft heart despite life's trial and error
That is me or not me
That is where I want to be
Full of hopes, dreams, and humanity
My silent soul
That is who I want to be
Full of peace, grace, and humility
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
How much I miss kissing you
Little hands dirty with mud
Little feet quickly run through the yard
Little chatter box
And laughing all over again
Little boys are made of frog
And nothing nice
Ah the little monsters
Love to make their little sister cry
It has been awhile
Since I hold you in my arms
Tickle you until you run and hide
Ben, Nicholas, Marcus
My little giggling monsters
You better run and hide
Since the kissing monster
Is running right behind
Soft talk and big brown eyes
Day dreaming with soft blue sky
Be protected of this heart of mine
Lost days on mile of hills
Lost nights on sky of stars
Out of reach then and now still
I dream of a love that is so far
When did I realized
The only constant thing in life
Sweet love in this heart of mine
Day comes and day goes
You come and you go
Now I am lost in my skies of stars
And tears of soft brown eyes
Gone the last constant thing in life
Lost the innocent love
In this heart of mine
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I read you word, memories flash in my mind,
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Trees in simmering white coats
fluttering snow flakes
I pray today that I have the wisdom to treat others with respect and kindness
I pray today I will have the courage to acknowledge, honor my pain and commit to release it so I can be happy
I pray today that peace will be in my home, my heart and with others
Allow me to lend a hand or a shoulder
To help carried the weight of the world
As fragile as life seems
Believe in love and eternity
That we will go on forever
In each other heart
In every thoughts and every prayers
Allow me to be your friend?
To touch your heart
And lift your soul
On a hard rainy day!
Your heart is wiser than you think
I know life is not always fair, easy, or simple
I know laughters are always mixed with tears
I know joy and sadness are the two faces of reality
But I also know with your spirit
and the warrior blood in your vein
You will always triumph
In your own way
In your own time
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Quietly dance in the early morning stillness
Leaves sway slowly to the drunkenness of dawn
Dizzy from the lack of sleep
Words are like rain, jumping from leaf to leaf
Whispering the song of verses, nature’s poetry in action
Every waking moment; little by little it fills my soul
Word by word; it fills up my journal
Step by step; getting closer to my truth
Enjoy a quiet moment of peace and serenity
Longing for the end of my fight
I am filled with light
I am one with the sky; the morning sky
Unaware of her power she thought the world is doom
Beautiful sky I saw in her eyes
Full of wonders and wishes same as mine
Waves of life with ebb and flow
Promise of a new tomorrow if she learns to let go
The safety net of yesterday
Old patterns, sad memories don’t need to stay
Existence is the way
All she has to do is living for today
To the hill of the sage
Ask him again the questions of why
Why the bells ring when I look into your eyes
Why my heart sings when you are by my side
Wake up in the morning, you light up the overcast sky
With kisses, with tenderness in your eyes
In the morning hush I can hear your smile
Take my breath away, you fill up my life
Right next to you, that is how I fly
Second chance in life
I start fresh
No more waiting
No more chance
With a heart
Full with hopes
Is here to stay