Thursday, March 12, 2009

Lucy - our lesson of unconditional love

Alyssa was crying when she brought Lucy to me on Saturday’s night. She was worried since her little puppy was acting abnormal. I tried to assure her by examined Lucy and I told her to stop being so paranoid; “Lucy is alright” I said. Sunday morning Alyssa woke me up with Lucy in her arms crying even harder. Lucy now is paralyzed from the waist down. She can’t move her hind legs anymore. I panicked and instant tears came to my eyes. My poor little babies, Alyssa and Lucy; they are both in pain. Given Alyssa is my daughter and Lucy is her puppy, I realized my love is boundless for both of them. There is no separation from human to animal; in love there is no distinction in shape, size, and color. It is just love. I look at my daughter and wondered what about love that when someone you cared for in pain, you are in pain. What part of you conjoined with love’s one that your psyches are now some how mesh.

We took Lucy to the only open emergency vet office in Seattle areas in Fremont. I drove with one hand and the other on Alyssa and Lucy. I wanted to comfort them, to take the pain away from them. I felt so helpless and out of control.

We left Lucy at the emergency room to be watched over night. The doctor was convinced that she had spinal hernia, something that is quite common with Lapso Apso breed. She was put on steroid to calm her hernia and we were hoping that would fix the problem. Many calls back and forth during the day and the doctor finally called with the bad news. She was getting worst and the drug didn’t work. We had to take her to a neurologist. Neurologist for a dog; I was thinking to myself silently, the bill will be astronomical. We went to see the neurologist and it was confirmed that Lucy needed surgery. I had to make the moral decision to let Lucy die slowly with her paralysis or tried to save her with surgery. Alyssa was crying so hard, she said “Mommy I never love anything so much. I don’t want her to die.” I thought of the bill. I evaluated the options. But in my heart I knew what the right thing to do was; I need to give Lucy a chance. So I handed Lucy over the expert asked them to do their best to take care of our little love and make peace with myself. I have to do the right thing or I will never be able to live with myself.

Alyssa told me on the way home that she loves me and thanked me for standing by her, support her, and indulge her love for Lucy. And she said “Mommy, you taught us so much but the most important thing you taught us how to be a good person”.

I am grateful Lucy has taught us a lesson of love. In the darkest hours we have found our lights. We learn in our lives when we love somebody do everything we can to take care of them. Do the best you can and let’s the universe decide the outcome. That is all you needed to do; from moment to moment do the right thing. Love with your heart and not your head. Love is action and not just a word.

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