Thursday, December 31, 2009


The Zen way ~
Great Doubt, Great Awakening
Little Doubt, Little Awakening
No Doubt, No Awakening

Doubt is a part of my making
It is the way of how I see things
Steps I take, moves I make
The evidence of my illusions
The more I learn, less I know
School of life, the day I die I graduate

Who is happier, those who are aware, and doubt, or those who are sure of what they believe in, and have never doubted or questioned? The answer was that this has nothing to do with happiness. Happiness came upon you like the weather determined by your own personality.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Soul Mate

In thousand paths
And thousands of people
What is the chance that we will meet
Eyes to eyes
Soul to soul
What is the chance that we will walk
Side by side on the street of Lovers lane
Are you the thousand winds that blow
Are you the soft lifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I look at the soft star and wish
You are the morning light
You are the thousand kisses
You are the gentle touches
You are there in the morning hush

Sunday, December 20, 2009

To be loved

He asked me
Do you love me more than you love yourself?
I responded
I die for me but I live for you
I draw each breath for me
But my heart beats for you
In loving you
I drop all that I know
My past, my pain, my lost, my gain
I drop my everything
In loving you
I have become a scholar
I find stars are just holes to heaven
I find dreams are just gate to our souls
I find love is my divine right
To feel, to touch, to cry, to try
I find new me
I find new you
I love you
I love myself

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Beginning

Step by step
The world outside of my window...
The Paris's sky
The mind of Rodin
The beauty of art
The beating of my heart
The passion shared by so many souls
The beginning or is it the end
The endless cycle of death and rebirth
If not for the arts that left behind
for thousands to witness
Thousands of heartbeat
Or thousands of heart; skip a beat!
The silent notes in between

Monday, November 30, 2009

Radiate Happiness

L'homme propose, Dieu dispose

I believe that it is better to be divided by truth than united in deceit

When love is great, there is no need for words. For even in silence, love is heard

I see the moon
The slivers of light leak through the branches
into my soul awaken past hidden memories
Dancing leaves, soft wind singing the song of sweet longing
Caress my hair
The long strands divulge the memory of being touched by you
Breathless I close my eyes and wonder
If you happen to look up the sky, and see the moon
The reflection of passion, the relentless search for your own soul mate

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Today is all I have

The talk and dance of self

Still the mind so my eyes can open
Still the tongue so my heart can fly
Still the sounds, music, sights, and words
Lift the veil of illusions so I can see real life
The more things are changing the more they
stay the same, I keep running but the road
leads to the same place I came, Life keeps changing
but the core of “I” doesn’t change; part living, part dying
Marching to my train stop; racing to somewhere
where am I racing to?
My mortal life; It's just a flare
News of another soul passed away to a far away place
News of another birth, an innocent soul enters earth to stay
News I woke up this morning and wanting to live
Today is all I have and all I have is today

Tribute to my friend John and his fight against cancer. His words “If I get to do it again, V! I would choose love and life. I will work less, worry less and laugh more. Now every laugh harbors chest pain and tears but I will not stop laughing. Take care of yourself and don’t wait to be happy because life waits for no one!”

Saturday, October 17, 2009


We all want to fly but when and at what price
The caterpillar doesn't want to die
It is beautiful and wonder in its own way
I am once a caterpillar and still a caterpillar
My wings are strong but not yet dry
Attachment, delusions make the web of my cocoon
When and how I can learn to fly
To be free and become one with the open sky

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

As I write this, I am sitting at my large desk in the corner of the room that I use to create my art, paintings in both acrylic and oil, mixed media, in fact anything that I can lay my hands on. Except, aside from the space that I have cleared for my laptop and an even smaller space for my tea, there is no space in this room. This room over the past few weeks has become the dumping ground for 'things' as I have made my way through the house organizing, sorting, and generally re-designing my life through my surroundings.
I sit here, full of hope, new paths laid out before me, I am surrounded by choices and I continue to make what appears to be the right choice each and every time I see a crossroads before me. The desk at this moment complete and utter chaos, yet every other room in the house is clean, re-designed, organized and feels like the future I see before me, so I have in essence begun to create in the present moment the dream of my future. This desk though, represents the part of me that can overwhelm some people, it overwhelms me too, but not for long and not very often, but sometimes, everything piles upon my shoulders and weighs me down in the most crippling of ways. Fear.

The smell of fear... I have lived through it all. Growing up without my parents since I was thirteen; I understand the depth of humility and the pain of struggling alone in this world. I sailed through life with little means but committed to finding happiness in every little thing, finding happiness when there would appear none. For year I have been confused as to who I was but now, I know who I am, I have a strong idea of who I want to be and who I am becoming. And the fear, childhood fear, I went home to my mother to make peace with my pain, my past, my heart. I got my share of love and hugs that I grew up without. I cried my tears. I forgave myself for resenting my parents for sending me so faraway. I forgave my mother for sending me so far away. I held her wrinkled face with my hands and kissed her all over. She looked in my eyes and said "Oh how much you have grown and make me proud". She stroked my hair for hours on the day I planned to fly back to the states. I was on my knees crying quietly in her lap. The physical separation was painful for both of us. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face but my heart is full with love. My mother is right here inside my heart. I am complete, completely as peace with life and with love. Now that it is out there, it is not so bad, as it felt inside of me all alone.

As for this room I will finish writing this and drink the last of my tea. I will redesign my space to reflect my soul, the true me, 100% authentically me.

Friday, October 2, 2009


The only truth
Dwell deeply in your soul, the answer
Is to break the society’s mold
Traveled much through the confounding universe
Dark and light; they separate my sky
Chosen love despite the intense grief
Embraced wisdom to partake my wounds
I chose you to be part of my cocoon
Just to mark another growing spurt
The only truth
How you smiled and how the light reflected in your eyes
Just a glimpse of what would be your sky
Full of sadness but also full of hopes
Our lives, the color of the kaleidoscopes
Can you tell what is false and what is true?
Fighting hard
Against the stigma of the illusions you choose
Or just rest on the laurel of truth

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Mystery of the heart

Unravel the mystery of the heart
The quest of million years research
And will be another million years after you
What makes the butterflies fluttered
Will also make the heart tender
The twinkle in your lover’s eyes
The lines of a smiling face
The reflection of the sky
You fall in love and out of love
Keep searching for the one divine
Gentle hand and warm embrace
Lover, best friend, or one of a kind?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Traveling through the limits

In the limits of the desire
we sight the impossible thing
in a vision that returns
more imaginary than real
In this diffuse image
that gets lost in the mysterious thing
we make out impossible grandeur
that show the indelible thing
Abyss or truth?
After this intuition
of distant landscapes
impossible horizons
and dark dawns
it stirs up in us
the most intimate explosion
and uncontrolled of desires
where we make a mistake
with life
with time
and with a " not itself what "
that impels us to feel
After it, the plenitude moves away from us

Love is a disease no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured.

Friday, September 25, 2009


Dream, awaken, dream, awaken, awaken, and yet it is all dream.
Life is but an illusion
A product of my perception, my collection of dreams
Let not your heart be troubled
Wherever you travel there will be wind and waves
Ebb and flow the moon and sun have its own phase
If I don't wander how could I ever be found?
Reach for the divine, my higher-self remised
Reach for the light, in which darkness doesn't exist
It is desire that take us on the path we travel
It is fate that bring us together on the cross-road
It is love that keep you close to my heart
What is more important than seeing with my eyes?
Seeing into my own heart, although the song in the heart is silent
The art of love, the ability to express, the gift beyond gift
To feel you without seeing you, to love you without having you
All rivers continue to flow to the ocean, cosmic consciousness
receives them all

Only a cloud, knows the feeling of a cloud...

Monday, August 31, 2009


There is a moment in the middle of a yoga pose, the instructor reminds all to make peace with the “asana”, your breath. To bring your focus back to the third eye and make peace with the pose. The moment where my thousand tongues stop, my breath deepens, and I sink deeper into my body. The earth vibrates through the balls of my feet, the lightness of the air slowly folds into me. Every cell sings and flows like a song. I can’t tell where I begin and where the other ends. Surroundings become a blur and I smile, slowly into myself; eyes closed and I smile. The joy of being in the present is so powerful, the act itself blooms into a smile; the Buddha’s smile. I experience existence in every pore of my body. Head held high, back straight, smiling.
There is nothing else I need to learn at this moment. There is nothing else I need to do. Everything has happened, happened. Everything is exactly where it is. I am exactly where I am. Just is, the true heart, my true nature. I have arrived, I am home and unto myself. Nothing needs to change, just is. The moment of peace, of love; transcendent and peaceful.

Pain and joy are part of my making; only I can distinguish
The world is not perfect and I can't fix everything
I excel in my own imperfection and embrace other's imperfection
Nothing has to be forever or perfect or according to my wish
Life is full of ebb and flow; just what I need, you need
One heart beat, one rhythm, one chaotic universe; we are part of creation
You and I; our uniqueness add color and shape to this beautiful world

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

In all that I do

The danger with insights is that they are over simplified. No one things is more profound than anything else. I can reverse almost everything I have written and it is equally true.

I thought I knew
This turning turning turning of truth
Nothing standing still
And yet the great stillness
and the sameness
The knowing and never knowing...
The absolute stillness of the night
into perfect peace

I believe that at least one of the reason why prayer, relaxation drills, yoga, mediation, breathing concentration and awareness exercises bring peace and dissolve problems is that they force an end to the merry go round of thinking. Either during or after these practices we do something rare; we stop and listen. It is not that I am not listening. It is that I am listening to something else. Stop the thousand tongues in my head; silent inside, silent outside and then there would be peace, the absolute stillness of peace...

In my struggle to be real, to be centered, to be me, have I left a place for you?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Random Thoughts

Salt Water - Can the ocean be your muse? Can it inspire you to not just simply see different things but to see things differently?

Character - Strength is not in force. Strength is in compassion and kindness of action.

Give the gift of happiness - I am wild about lasting impressions

Make a world of difference - There are a million reasons to make memories together do you know?

Something good is bound to happen
This is no time to think small
Create something great
Change a life

From dream to reality - If you've turn your dream into reality, let the world know

Pain - If you don't know what cause a person pain, you don't know how to love them

Compassion - Real teacher of compassion is love. The seed is sown very early in our childhood with our mother

Humility - Life is not always about you. It is not about a destination. Stay true to yourself, do your best each step of the way and you will never have to worry about destiny.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Le Mystère Du Coeur

Défaites le mystère du coeur
La quête de million de recherche d'années
Et sera un autre million d'ans après que vous
Ce qui fait les papillons a battu
Fera aussi l'offre du cœur
Le scintillement dans les yeux de votre amant
Les lignes d'un visage souriant
La réflexion du ciel
Vous tombez amoureux et de l'amour
Continuez à chercher un divin
Étreinte de mains et chaude douce
L'amant, le meilleur ami, ou une d'une sorte ?

Friday, July 24, 2009

My butterflies

A mother’s love
Where it ends and where it begins?
I watch my angels grow
Those eyes, those lips, those hands used to be so small
Those little fingers used to hang on to my sleeve
Those little lips used to chirp like little birds
Those little eyes used to shine into my heart
Where has time gone?
It was yesterday that I hold you
In my cradle close to my heart
I love you and I give you my life
Each breath I take harbored the lives of three
Each step I take carried the weight of you and me
It has been awhile since I stop and notice
Of how much you have grown
And how much you have made me proud
And I wonder how much I remember
How much I have kept in my heart
The memories of the two little girls
With little hands, little feet, and little eyes
Today I miss dearly
The two little angels that call me Mommy

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The space between

Another change, another destination, another phase…The fall of WAMU is now creating new opportunities and new directions in my destiny… East Coast and Bay Areas employment opportunities are calling my name… Decision, cross-road, destiny…The little girl in me is frightened with the changes around me. The engineer, survivor in me said “Toughen up kid here come the ride of your life, again”. Five wonderful years in the Emerald City and my heart is just now taking roots… I love Seattle but is it meant to be? I am looking for sign and maybe I am looking too hard. But I know this for a fact; it doesn’t matter where I go… I will carry you with me… your kind heart, your friendship, and the wisdom that you have shared with me…

Now let's see where the wind of change will take you, me…

The space between, where I can’t see the horizon
Where the past hasn’t gone away completely and the future hasn’t revealed itself
The space between, where my heart resides and my head resists
Where logic dictates my actions but the pain is hard to miss
Where instinct and rationale raised war on the battle field of choice
The space between, feels like the door is closing and I am hanging on by a thread
Another phase is coming and my world is still enclosed within past memories instead
Trust, faith; believe in the universal truth, do good and do well
But well and good cost a soul and some heartbreak
Cost a lifetime of searching and growing, cost lots of tears and strength to hang on
Cost a heart and dreams of a little girl, brown eyed girl
Balls of steel, iron will, dead on focus
The weight of the world or the weight of my own choices
Square shoulders, head held high; it is just another phase?
Revolving doors, why can’t I stand still?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Authentic Self

I wonder to myself if I let go of all my possession, my load lighten
Would I be a lesser version of myself?
Would love, passion, friendship shift color and change shape?
Would I be free of expectation, my own jail cell?
I wonder if you lose all your passion, your soul, and faith
You would be a different person with different shape and form?
Your eyes glazed, twisted limp, crooked teeth
Would your appearance dictate what is going on inside your soul?
I wonder if love, trust, faith would endure life's hardship
Would love give you wings to rise above the pain
Would trust give you strength to withstand the hard rain
Would faith install peace in the evolving chaos?
I wonder life is a rainbow full of colors, the reflection of my sky
We all share this sky, but why can't you see through my eyes?

If I change, I know life with the colorful rainbow would still be mine!

Friday, June 19, 2009

My Father

I didn't get to know you as a young man
I saw your pictures; with twinkle eyes
hands on hips by the sea you stand
The image of a father, a happy man
Wild heart, poetry, and romance
With your legend, Dad! I don't stand a chance

Now you are gone I have only wishes
More time together so I can shower you with kisses
To tell you my stories of how strong I have become
Mortal words, mortal pain; how much I have changed

With much prayers, hopes, and spirits
I will try to remember everything you did
Everything you tried to teach and share
And every time I catch a glimpse of the open sky
I will remember of how you wanted me to fly
With warm heart and on a straight line
Just like you said; “A golden heart is hard to find”
Dad! I miss you

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Compassionate Heart

In hard time don’t forget we are made of light and energy
That our existence interlink with the rest of the universe
That our thoughts and actions carry more weight than we can ever imagine
That our hopes and loves give hope and love to others
That the torch we are carrying is the same one our ancestors upheld, millions of year ago
In their footsteps, we are carrying on their warrior blood lines, their legends

In hard time foster on inner peace and your compassionate heart
What we need is so little, what we want is inconclusive
Count on your blessing instead of curse, don’t despair
Don’t forget to say thank you, greet the day with gratitude
Every breath we take is a gift, don’t waste it
Next time you inhale, smile before you exhale
Breathe in the suffering life harbored on the less unfortunate
And breathe out the compassionate of your being

In hard time I won’t forget
My time here is short, but my influence is vast
I can make a difference with my little effort; one life, one voice
That is all I have to offer, but I am willing to offer
I want to see the world and share my stories
I want to see you happy and hear your stories
The twist and turn and all the other curves on the path we travel
Stay well, stay strong and know every time you smile, I smile
And every time you cry, I will be there with my arms spread
I will catch you with everything I have; my heart is with you, all of my being

Positive or negative, the seed is in you; cultivate the love and desire that will embrace your soul

Monday, June 8, 2009

Heart song

Hope is nudging me to pet her. She won't let me hold her but she wants to be petted. I said to Hope "Can you just sit still and let me hold you, please? It would be so much more fun for both of us" but she will have none of it. Now she is sitting at the end of the sofa dozing off but still keeping her guard up. Perfect example of human relationship.

“If relationships were restaurants, I’d like the check please,” I said to my friend the other day after agonizing over the complexity of love. Are we scared to be loved? Or have both men and women’s pride been equalized, leaving both sexes defensive and guarded of their hearts and feelings.

As I look back on my past relationship essentially, I realize that I never told the other person how I really felt about them. And even still, when I have rarely ever verbally expressed my emotions or pursued someone who I have been so blindly in love with, I have gotten hurt.

Sometimes I think about how things would be different if I addressed the white elephant in the room- if I had just admitted to being helplessly and so defenselessly in love. Would that have made a difference?

When all is said and done, or in my case unsaid and undone, I cannot help but believe perspective of love is skewed. Women are expected to believe that ‘he’s just not that into you’ while men try to conceal their emotions to protect themselves from being hurt.

It’s a terribly painful double edged sword. And at the end of the day I wonder, should love be this difficult? My friend responded to me and said, “relationships are a seven course meal, and you are just beginning your appetizers.”

The answer though is really for you to decide.

But I promise you, dear soulmate, that I love you. And I always will. And maybe that is enough to make me believe why it never worked out with anyone else.

Friday, May 29, 2009

For just one second

For just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Give me your heart so I can love again
Give me your hand so I can reach
beyond the limits of myself
Lift up my dreams and give me wings
Give me a chance
To see the way you have seen all alone
So I can feel what I have been missing
Million years could go by and I would still be blind
For just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Give me your heart so I can feel again

Maintain inner balance continue to be a daily struggle. The struggle to be real, to be centered, to be me, have I left a place for others? To sway and not crack; malleable but not manipulatable. The willingness to move off dead center, to move and take my center with me.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Love, lost, illusion, pain, trust, hope, faith, joy, truth

What does Truth look like God?
How do I know when Truth smiles upon me?
Will Truth come quietly in the night and covers me with peaceful warm embrace
Or shakes me up and thrashes me around until I shed my old self and wake up anew
Is Truth fair, beautiful, and sparkle like a star? Is Truth the singing bird that bathed in the fountain every morning?
Or the lightning that struck last evening, did Truth came loud and angry because we didn’t listen carefully?
Is Truth presence in all things or only in something, is Truth righteous or forgiving?
Will you give me a sign when Truth comes knocking on my door
since I don’t know what Truth looks like, smells like, or sounds like
Dear God, can you let me know when I stand in the presence of Truth?
Thank you, God!

Monday, May 11, 2009

More about LOVE

There are so many different varieties of love, the love between parents and children, the love between siblings, between friends, compassionate love that can exist between complete strangers or for someone we never knew but whose story touches us in some way. There is the love of lovers which in of itself provides us with a plethora of sub groups within the frame of love. Between lovers there is physical love, spiritual love, emotional love, a love of shared things etc etc... I understand love intimately as much as a mortal can understand something that cannot be truly understood or conceived.

Love can be fleeting, prolonged or eternal it doesn't matter how long it lasts, all that matters is that you recognise it and embrace it for what it is at that very moment in time. People can place all sorts of guidelines or barriers around them to protect them from being hurt, but in the end all you are doing is making an obstacle course, a veritable boot camp, for love to find her way to your heart. Those barriers only serve to distance yourself from love. Embrace love in what ever form she arrives, don't question it, don't try and peer into the future to see if it is real, what is real anyway?

Every thing in life is impermanent, everything, that also includes the fact that nothing remains the same, everything including ourselves is constantly changing and evolving. So is love, it grows and expands it contracts and sometimes even only does this because each of us grows and changes as we continue on our own personal journeys through our lives. And you know what?...maybe no one told you this, but love is not perfect, there is no perfect love, love is simply a reflection of our own ability and willingness to love another. That is it pure and simple...the love you are able to give to another person is only limited by the limitations you yourself place on it...your own experiences set your limitations...but here is the can redefine your limitations whenever you choose to. So you have been hurt in love before, badly...i get have i, I have been hurt in spectacular fashion by previous lovers, so what, that is the past, I no longer live there and I will do my utmost each and every day to make sure I do not judge the past actions of others on the people i love in the present moment. I am not going to let my past be a limitation in the amount of love I am willing to receive into my life....and this blog is just such a beautiful perfect example of that.

Either way, I want you to know one thing that I am not so sure you hear very much...I love you, I love you for being you, all of you, I love you because I know that somewhere down our life journey we have a shared experience and that the only difference between me and you is the way we perceive that shared experience, that experience of being hurt when in love.

So I love you and I hope that your perception shifts and with it the suffering in your heart, whether you are aware of that suffering or not.

I hope you find love, unconditional love of yourself and then unconditional love of others.

Remember, it is easy to judge those you do not know, but it is hardest of all to judge the person you know most intimately....yourself. Be honest about who you are and you will see love inside of every person, every animal, every bird, everything that you come across.

Be honest and love will trail behind you wherever you go, touching all who you pass by and you will never need to seek love again for love will come looking for you, in the most unexpected of ways and in the most unexpected of places.
As for me, I choose to learn from the past but at the same time leave the experience in the past, not carry it with me as I walk into my future. I am open to love, the ups and downs...however I find that love is present and beautiful and always around me and that I never have to look for it, it finds me.

Something About Us - Daft Punk
It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there something I want to say
Something about us
There is a secret about us
That I love you

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Paris, 9 Mai

Mes mains implorent dans la nuit noir. Elles s'élèvent et cherchent dans les ténèbres, dans le ne'ant, il doit bien y avoir une lumière au-delà de la nuit. - Carl Einstein

Musee D'Orsay

Sur toutes les fleurs
O malédiction, o mille fois malédiction?
Vous qui avez préparé tellement de morts
N'en avez-vous pas une pour moi ?
Wilhelm Lehmbruck - Janvier 1998

Musee Rodin

Friday, May 8, 2009

Paris, 8 Mai

6:28 pm Paris - A world away and feel right at home. I am at Fouquet restaurant on Avenue Des Champs Elysees. Bon appetit!

Why good music, the sunset, smile on your beloved face, nature, kind gesture, good sex and good food make you want to cry... Awww fois gras, frog legs, good wine and now good desert bring tears to my eyes...

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Silent Thoughts

All my silent thoughts went on unspoken
Like clouds, like rain, like sand on a silken beach
All my silent thoughts went on unbroken
Like a distant moon I try to reach
Brown eyed girl with crystal teardrops
Like a tree in the rain sheds its memory
My silent thoughts hold the key to my heart
Silent smile on soft lips so lovely
All my silent thoughts lost in memory
Like dreams, like fantasy, like God’s creation
All my silent thoughts faded with history
Like air, like breath, lost in translation
My silent thoughts of just you and me
My world, my heart, my open sea

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

All we need is love

I learned still more about love by inquiring with strangers in elevator, woman at a bus stop, a gay close friend, homeless people, my immediate family, my friends, friend of friends.  I learned about love with so many so-called ordinary people who are living with great heart.  Their insight of love, which spring from their passionate and compassionate deeds, from their continued cultivation of feeling minds and thinking hearts – made my quest one of continual lesson.  Love for self, family, community, country, the world, earth described in so many different languages, different point of view boiled down to one fact.  Love is an art of giving; the art of giving your time, your care, your admiration, your attention, your talent, your trust, your affection, your acceptance and your commitment.


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Can You

Can you talk to me?
Can you hold my attention for more than 30 minutes.
Can you make me laugh falling out of my chair gasping for air.
Can you look into my eyes and see my desperate need for a hug.
Can you hold me close and feel my heart beat against yours and not get scared?
Can you see me in despair and disappointed in humanity and not judge my feelings.
Can you love me for who I am? All of me, fierce, vulnerable, sexy, sad, spiritual, vain, happy, joyful, giving, loving, beautiful, innocence.
Will you protect that part of me and allow me to believe in my own fantasy; where spirits are kind, giving, and loving.
Can you be yourself and allow me to me to be myself.
Can you watch me from across the room and be proud and loving without judging my presence.

Can you?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Vivaldi - Concerto op.3 no.6

What I hear...

Dance, dance
Fly, fly
Jump high into the sky
The wind is rushing by
Warm air bright sky
Dance, dance
Fly, fly

Taste, taste
Smile, smile
The sweetness of love
The happiness of being alive
The sacred breath
Taste, taste
Smile, smile

So in love with the Seattle's sky

Europe Itinerary

Learn to jaywalk like the locals. Take metro everywhere. Book a place near city center in Paris. Take train from Charles De Gaulle airport, and then transfer by metro to hotel. Get use to the French style coffee, aka espresso, and the 2 hour dinner. Note if a place says it closes at 6:00 PM, they start kicking people out at 5 PM.
1. Buy a 3-4 day museum pass
2. Check out Champs Elysees from Invalides metro stop, to the Arch de Triumphe. Stroll down Champs Elysees during dusk.
3. The Louvre is a must; Prado or the Rijksmuseum has better collection, but the Mona Lisa is there and the architecture supposes to be great.
4. Notre Dame (word it is not worth paying to go to the top of the tower, Seville's cathedral is much more impressive). Go across to the Latin Quarter & Jewish quarter. Eat a fallafel there
5. Musee D'Orsay
6. Versaille (plan an entire day for it, it's in a different zone for metro, need to take RER over). Check out the hall of mirrors and Japanese tourists. Stroll in the garden & Grand Canal. Go see Marie Antoinette's apartment
7. Eiffel Tower, naturally. Climb the stairs instead of taking the elevator; skip the café at top :-)
8. Check out market on/nearby Rue Cler. Order sausage & Saurkraut, Alsace style.
9. Gotta have Crepes with Nutella!
10. Take the metro (or walk) to the Opera House (close at 4). Phantom of the Opera based its set on it. Check out shopping in that area.
1. Take a leisure stroll along the beach; after all, it is the French Rivera
2. Check out the market in the morning; buy some baguette & sausage & cheese. Take a bus (1 euro) to Monacco. Watch the changing of the guard. Check out Grace Kelly's tomb at the royal chapel. Head over to Monte Carlo casino. Watch beautiful people out of a magazine page.
3. Buy cookies & sweets in Nice. Macaroons in Paris are overrated, but give it a try anyway.
General shopping: Go to Mercado Anglais for general shopping i.e. water & stuff in Spain. It's a big department store.
Food: Tapas. Order different tapas there. Try gambas (shrimp), preja (pig's ear), puplo (octopus), pimentos, and champinones (mushroom). Their escargot is good (and cheap) too. Compare differences between Catalan (Madrid) and Basque food. Try Paella in Madrid.
It's an old city and a block is tiny.
1. Museo Nacional Del Prado (better than the Louve). They got Dali.
2. Palacios Real de Madrid (Royal Palace, good comparison between Versaille. France dominated Europe in the 15th Century and Spain went on a declined).
3. Any Museo de Jamon (Museum of Ham) and enjoy wine & real Serrano Ham.
4. Enjoy tapas after siestas. Be adventurous on this.
5. Chocolateria San Gines after a nice stroll thru Plaza Mayor (don't eat at Plaza Mayor). Enjoy real churos (not the Disneyland kind) and hot chocolate.
6. Stroll & shop by Puerta Del Sol.
7. Bull fight should be in season.
1. Check out the Cathedral; Columbus is burried there; go next door to the royal palace.
2. Near the university, there's a govt/army building named Isabella. It was used in the movie "Lawrence of Arabia" as the fake Cairo.
3. Have some fried food. Check out the narrow streets and abundence of orange
1. Check out La Boqueria (markt) and take in the color of different fruits & meats; swing on by Ramblas.
2. Check out the Gothic quarter (Barri Gotic) & its cathedral (not as impressive as Seville's cathedral)
3. Check out the Piscasso Museum
4. Check out Sagrada Familia (Temple of the Holy Family). Note the natural feel of the architecture by Gaudi. (In Barcelona, there's no famous plazas/roundabouts and cathedrals like the rest of Spain; also note the Octogon intersection--it allows horse carriage drive to see each other)
5. Check out the Gaudi house off Ramblas.
6. Go shopping...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I am

There are two worlds; the world that we can measure with lines and rules and the world that we feel with our hearts and imagination; I rather live in the later.

I am an island floats from coast to coast
I am the ghost of certain yesterday's dreams
I am the voice behind the silent scream
I am the sun
I am the sky
I am the moon

Moment like this

Wildly happy alone
Moment like this; rain rain drop
Wet earth
All my senses alert
Cross the street, peeping sounds adjust
Freezing nose, hot green ginger tea
Lots of raw sugar, fragrance of twisted
old roots and leafy green tea
Sit in enclosed wet red car
Empty parking lot on top of Capital Hills
Buried with new books, poetry and mystery
Waiting patiently for the clock
to strike at eight
Life is a game of waiting
for you don't want to make mistakes
Mistake I made plenty, plenty of heartache
But moments like this
Sitting in the rain, nothing seems to matter
Since I have nothing to gain
No past, no future, no mistake, no pain

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Mariners vs Angels

You can take the girl out of California but you can't take California out of the girl... At Safeco field and I cheer for both teams; Mariners and Angels. I live in Seattle now but I love my Angels. Awww I am torn between two loves... May the best team win :). Go Mariners. Go Angels...

Do you fear the wind - Hamlin Garland

Do you fear the force of the wind,

The slash of the rain?

Go face them and fight them,

Be savage again.

Go hungry and cold like the wolf,

Go wade like crane;

The palms of your hands will thicken

The skin of your cheek will tan

You will grow ragged and weary and swarthy,

But you will walk like a man

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My memory of Paris - Pierre De Ronard

Quelque plaisir toutesfois qui me tienne
Faire ne puis qu'il ne me resourvienne
De ton Paris, & que tousjours ecrit
Ce grand Paris ne soit en mon esprit

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

About Dreams

Even for a dream
are needed

Before we awake, who knows that the dream we are dreaming is not real?

We are all swimmers, in the ocean of dreams

Dreams last for so long, even after you are gone

DREAM: From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Dreams are a series of images, sounds and feelings occurring in the mind during sleep, accompanied with rapid eye movement. Dreams typically last in the range of 5 to 45 minutes. The contents and biological purposes of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history. The scientific study of dreams is known as oneirology.

DREAM: How to be happy through human by W. Beran Wolfe
"One of the most crucial discoveries of modern psychology is the discover made by Alfred Alder that dream is not an accidental occurrence in the process of life. Alfred believed dream but an valuable device that we use during the training process of approaching our individual goal of security and happiness. Freud pointed out that dreams were determined by our unconscious mind. But it was Alfred to convince that dream had a useful function. Like imagination, the dream always represent a bridge between present and future."

"Once I dreamed I was a butterfly, and now I no longer know whether I am Chuang-tzu, who dreamed I was a butterfly, or whether I am a butterfly dreaming that I am Chuang-tzu."
- Chuang-tzu

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A good day

If I love you with all my heart what would you give me in return? She asked me and she didn't want my answer. She said she loves me anyway.

Wake up at 9. Have a cup of espresso with Baileys. Sit in the sun. Play fetch with Kai. Trim the roses. Plant some tulips. Have strawberries and mango for lunch. Sit in the sun some more. Walk Kai to the beach. Take a bath. Get dressed and drive to a blind wine tasting party. Try to pace myself by taking very small sips of wine. Help rate the best wine. Mingle with other women. Plan next girl's trip. Leave to meet friends for a late night dinner. Feel like an island floating in the Pacific Ocean. The out of body experience of living aware; watching and listening. My mind is racing and computing the information offered, total disillusion; the complicated process of past, present, and future experiences weaves together into the tapestry of human interrelation; my own experience. The stimulation of energy swapping is mind boggling. Like the floor on Wall Street, everybody is selling and/or buying dreams; swapping, exchanging, sizzling. Prices based on demand; illusions? Smile, laugh, talk and go home before the clock strikes at midnight.

I find solitude so much easier to handle. Sitting in the garden with Kai and the trees and the sun; the world seems perfect, united. The energy is abundance and free... no string attached... pure giving and receiving. But it is easy to be competent, content, joyful and alone during day's light hours. Only after sunset, when the air is so still and the shadows come out to dance. When even a thick blanket and heat at highest setting don’t seem to take away the chill. Like a friend quoted in his journal “At night fear like water seeped in the crevices of my heart, my soul and take away the power of my freewill”. The darkness of the soul; where so much has been concealed for a person to be as peace with himself. He calls it the dark well. I like to compare it to the ocean; alluring, peaceful, immeasurable, dangerous, and capricious; not in any orders.

I am in the picture, I can't see the picture
Hide my shell whisper in solitude
The mind's eyes search for the absolute
The only shadow, the reflection of my soul
The secret hours, the quiet hours
When wisdom rides on the wings of dove
When wisdom speaks the tongue of love

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Foot Steps

Toss a coin in the river of change
Hold close to my heart the only request
Make a wish and it remains a wish
Not for love since love comes and goes
Not for fame since fame is moments notice
I ask for peace and serenity
In my thoughts and my everyday practice
To become what I always want to be
Free of sadness and tears of regret
Free from greed and fear of life’s true test
To take back the rightful happiness
The freshness of time and the sacred soul
Another day, another chance for greatness
Accept life and the beauty of change
Like foot steps left on the beach of sand
The ocean erases all messages of man

My songs

Put your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae
Big Girl Don't Cry - Fergie
Shadows of Ourselves - Thievery Corporation
Gained The World - Morcheeba
Sway - Michael Buble

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Magical Place - Seattle

Dark night, street light
Drizzle rain drops on my shoulders
Walking thru the street of Seattle, I remember
Years ago on the street of Dalat
Years ago on the street of OC
The dry heat, the sunshine
The hectic streets, the friendly faces
How did I get here?
Why I am here?
Dark night, street light
Walking to my bus stop
Anxious to get home, a place I now call home
Shaded trees, calling birds, whispering creek
Quiet winds dancing, Maple leaves singing
Dark night, street light
I am in awe and so much in love
All my wishes and dreams realized right here
On the streets of Seattle wet with rain and full with lights

It is true; life is full of surprises and not in my control
It is true, life brought tears and pain but also joy
It is true, life’s magic shows only to the believer
I am a true believer of the magical place called life

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Become Your Dream

Learning something new tonight... I am living a sheltered life and surround myself with like minded people so I am a little on the naive side... Life is not always about roses and songs... But I know that... I took care of the materialistic part... I took care of the part that society find so important. What about what is important to me? What about KINDNESS?  What about LOVE? What about admiration, respect, and attachment?  I am not afraid of attachment and have a pretty healthy expection of LOVE. Can a person goes on dropping all that had learned along the way so every day wake up a brand new babe? I have so much more to offer than skin deep since my soul will cry out to you and begs for attention.
Every waking hour different people and situation have challenged me. I am who I am and I know who I am... I am that and that and all that...

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Thursday, March 26, 2009

My personal ad

Everybody told me I need to put a list together to solidify the perfect man for me so the universe can send him my way, here you go.

If you know of anyone that match the list, send him my way...:-)

Looking for a strong minded man. A fighter.
I need to have the mental "ummmphhh" with you.
A rugged intellectual. Too cool to care and too cute to worry.
Someone who is willing to challenge me and let me win sometimes and kick my behind sometimes.
A gentleman ruffneck. A bad boy that loves and respects his mama.
Someone with a big heart. Will fight for justice and little puppies.
Someone that believes good things happen to good people and good looking people too. Have a sense of humor.
Appreciate fun trouble because it is good for the soul. But you need to know how to get out of trouble when you are deep in it.
Someone with no insecurity and jealousy baggage. I left mine on the conveyor belt overseas so it can’t find its way back to me. You should do the same.
And understand I will not give up my identity for anyone.
I know my moral boundaries, so should you.
UBU so ICBME (You be you so I can be me)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


We all want to fly but when and at what price
The caterpillar doesn't want to die
It is beautiful and wonder in its own way
I am once a caterpillar and still a caterpillar
My wings are strong but not yet dry
Attachment, delusions make the web of my cocoon
When and how I can learn to fly
To be free and become one with the open sky

Seeker - Osho

"Seeker is not a believer’s world. It is not for the faithful ones; it is for the souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason, mind, and simply living without boundaries. It changes you not with your reasoning and intellectual mind but with your loving heart. And a moment come suddenly that you see it, which has been eluding you your whole life. It is very much like the experience of after years of seeking, you finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that you can do. Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And like death it takes you from one dimension into another."

I am experiencing one of my mini death moments; moving from one dimension to another.

Moon Face

Do you see my soul napping in the palm of your hand?
Dwell deeply in peace and the silent universe
Seek wisdom
Hiding behind my verse
Seek freedom; rise above human greed and pain
Do you see my soul when you close your eyes?
What lingered is a piece of my sky
I left it there
The ancient morsel
To lift you up
Wish you well on your journey of much struggle and heartache

A poem - from a distant past

Do you see the moon?
It stares down from the sky
It pales as the dawn grows near
It sleeps in the palm of my hand
If I concentrate, I could swear its light carries the faintest scent--is it jasmine, or some other, ineffable, undiscovered bloom?
Nothing could be colder, yet I crave the ancient warmth that must still smolder in its dying, molten core, mustn't it?
Nothing so seemingly alive could be just an illusion of life--could it?
I insist upon its distance, yet I welcome the gift--the rhythm and the swell--of its tidal caress.
It races. It stands still.
It hides in plain sight, using only shadows as its camouflage.
She tries to look away, but I force her to face me, always face me, even when she's hidden in shadow.
Even when she's sure I cannot see her.
Even when you're sure you cannot see me, you stare, unflinching, unwilling to look away even if you could.
Unable to separate your will from mine.
Your thought from mine.
Assured by forgotten memories that my distant presence is inevitable, but unable to look away just the same, in case miss your next, final glimpse.

Rear View Mirror by CL

Here I stand gazing at your tail-lights fade into the distance
Don’t look behind you for I do not want you to see
How this indelible moment can not set me free
From missing you

May the breeze take you to where the beating of your heart makes sense
May the things you learn and the friends you gain won’t change the way you are
For I know the kindness of your heart remains here with me
Forever like the imprint of the sun setting across the sea

As you glance outside your bedroom window and look out onto the horizon
Do believe that the best is yet to come, as I look onward to your return
But until then I understand the length of time and distance
From my home to your home just like December to June

Do look up onto the stars from time to time
For we may share the same light on the exact same night
And when you cross all the mountains that you have to climb
From where you stand the view of the world may be a better sight

Still do believe that there’s a path, which will lead you back to me
Just don’t take too long because it's your heart that time will pilfer
So when you are done with conquering all your dreams, you'll see
That path will await you in your rear view mirror.


Your love, your care, your generous heart
I move on, I live, I grow
Life is a train that never stop
Never wait for a moment
But I want to take this moment
To stop and tell you
That I love you
I care and I understand
The power of love

Forever in debt of your generous heart
Of your loving, kindness and care
I am so sorry I can't be there in your need
To hold your hand and tell you how much I care
And let you cry on my shoulders
So Lisa
This life and so many lives to come
We will be kindred spirits
But for sure... I will be the rainbow
The sunshine, the little flower
To cheer you up when your days are not going your way
To pay back the sister's love
Of all the years you were there and give to me
The love of a mother I never had

Lisa, you lost your best friend and I have to watch my sister in pain. Not fun.  This life and so many more lives if possible I want to be there as your sister again and again. Life is so short and I don't understand why we struggle so much in between.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Snowing in March - Seattle

Snowing in March, Seattle sad and cold
Gray sky, hot coffee
Stranger walked by and asked
Why so sad little girl
Forgot your smile?
The sad face, empty eyes
Shadow by the side of the windows
What do you see?
Don’t be shy, I want to know
What do you see?
When you look at the Seattle’s gray sky?

I see empty souls, lost hopes, sad eyes
I see prayers, and angels trafficking across the sky
I see God
I see my struggle
The price for the freedom I gain
Shedding my cocoon is painful
But I want to fly like a beautiful butterfly
Gray sky or no gray sky
I will fly with a smile…

Snowing in March, I love the Seattle’s sky!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Verge of Change (dedicated to my fellow Wamulians)

It feels like you are approaching a ledge
And you might fall with the masses
But you don’t know
And the anticipation of the force
Is destructive
The indetermination state, precarious
Lack of principal and visions
Full of confusion and chaos
The fall is high
Pain might be great
But at least you can start rebuild
And keep moving forward
Right now
The state of oblivion, treacherous
The loss will be felt by all
The fallen and the survivor, heartbreak

Sunday, March 22, 2009


"Everybody sees how you seem, however, only some know who you are."

The greatest events, aren't the loudest but the most quiet hours

I was a dreamy kid, maybe a little spoiled.  Philosophy really had nothing to do with what I wanted.  I wanted truth with a capital T.  I was shocked by the suffering in the world.  And I had an unhappy love, a long term relationship that didn't work out, which really loosened my mooring for a while.  So philosophy caught me on the rebound.  At the time I believe that I had seen through the empty values of the modern world and exhausted my personal delusions.  The world is still empty and my personal delusions are inexhaustible. 

I could feel that old dangerous vagueness in myself today, the sudden gape of longing, blind and fierce and ravenous for some impossible delicacy.  For a music I had never quite heard but always suspected was there, if I could just listen right.  For a love that did not fail.  For the surprise of goodness.  But it all sounded wrong and clumsy.  And somewhere in the longs course of getting to know myself it became clear to me that I hadn't renounced intimacy at all.  I had simply failed at it. There is a liberation in a truth like that.  

There is a lightness that comes when you realize that you're not going to be able to make something work, no matter how hard you try.   When you finally let go of wanting, out of pure exhaustion. 

Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.
Robert Frost- Bereft

Friday, March 20, 2009

Diamond in the rough - From PB

I was there when the wind blew
My surface was rough, cold and dark
But when looked at carefully and struck in the right place, I shone with brightness
I was dull, dirty, and plain
But I didn't weather away; I remained faithful, loyal, and dedicated
I was heavy to bear but also provided a solid foundation
I used to be a rock
Have I become nothing but sand?
Have I slipping through the fingers of my love?
To be washed away into the salty sea of my tears?

I touch the sky

I am learning to grow intimate with my weakness so the strength I gain won't be hollow.

I have been thru the revolving doors. Now I want to stand still.

Dante's definition of hell:
Proximity without intimacy.

Duty is like washing your hand when it’s dirty. When duty and love become one, you have grace in your life.

Like Pinocchio I strive to become REAL… Instead of a wooden heart, instead of a hard shell I want to be soft and vulnerable.

I want to get away from wanting to fit into that PERFECT MOLD. Have a good job with high pay. Stay in good shape doesn’t matter how busy I am. Always loving and caring and never show my true feelings. (Being that perfect porcelain doll came to mindJ and it's breakable). I just want to be ME.

When the mind stop turning, wisdom speak.


I search for the sign
of Daffodils and Cherry blossoms
on the street of Seattle, Spring's signal
This morning
Spring has come quietly

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The core of your soul

I am not sure that I have changed. I know that today I am a little more aware of my body, a little more aware of nature, a little more aware of other people. But that's not really "Changed". It's more "Returned", returned to some of what I started in life with. And I also know that I am a little more tolerant of the way I am, and of the way people are (those two things are usually go together). And I know that I have a few more alternatives now. I am able to respond in some way that I couldn't have a few years ago. I think only ideas change. Awareness and tolerance and openness don't seem to really change me, they just allow me. Your ideas change, but you always remain the same.

It is very simple, if I never try anything I don't learn anything. If I don't take risk, I stay where I am.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I was told

The thought is beautiful
But the heart is even more
Who can say the future is stored
For such heart
For such soul
To have but not to hold
To find such love is rare I was told
We crossed path
The lonely road but never down cast
The less traveled or the much protected wall
Such devotion
Such emotion
Don’t loose touch of your dreams
Don’t loose touch of other’s dreams too
To have but not to hold
To find such love is rare I was told

Monday, March 16, 2009

Seattle in Spring

Far away some where I left the golden sand beaches
To come and live in the rain and old city houses
Rainy day gray sky Seattle’s streets cover in blooms
Spring has come with cherry blossoms and pink tulips
Yellow daffodils, blue grass, bright eyes, and smiling faces
This is the world I live in; this is the world I want to see
Happy soul and happy family!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

L'odeur d'un passé perdu long

L'odeur de printemps et de ciel peut seulement décrire sans mots. L'odeur de l'orchidée ancienne qui fleurissent seuls dans la forêt profonde sans intrusion d'homme.
Dans la vie, nous nous souvenons des moments
l'odeur d'un passé perdu long
la finale glimspe de l'amour
Est-ce que je suis une faute juste parce que j'ai fait celui ?
Il n'y a aucune telle chose qu'une faute
Il y a seulement ce qui arrive
Amoureux il y a seulement l'amour
Et je vous aime avec tout mon coeur

Everything I need

With each relationship I grow
With each pain I get kinder
I was crumbled and humbled
I was crusted, twisted and chained
In my heartbreak pains
I am grateful for the lonely dark nights
In the darkest hours
I have found my lights
Love is here right inside of me
The little soft voice that I can't see
Pass the pain, pass the greed
I have in me everything I need
To become everything I want to be
A happy version of me
A simple happy little V :-)

Last Dance

You were supposed to be my last dance
My last tango with the two of us hand in hand
Our wedding song is still fresh in my mind
"At Last" with Etta James and our loving friends
Wedding dress in pink
The lesson learned and love lost
Who knows what time will bring and what kind of pain
One thing I know
You were supposed to be my last dance
Will you be the one that keep me wonder for the rest of my life?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Before the sun wakes me up and shakes me with reality
Before the day wraps me up and carries me away
Before I forget to say how much I care for you
This is what I have to say
My love for you is here to stay

Before I close my eyes and go to sleep
Before I drift to dream land and feel the night’s grip
Before we travel that parallel universes
The last thing I want to remember
Is the tenderness of your warm kiss!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Come Home

Happy is just be
From one moment to the next
Be mindful, you see!

There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situation is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then we are able to hear our truth; the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.

Now is the time to come home to yourself.

My heroes

Once you get to know somebody you start to realize they are human too. We each have our own stories to tell and a cross to bear. I always remind myself there are other heroes out there and I love to learn from them. My teachers are my family and everyday friends and their life’s experiences; you are one of them. I learn a little more about you and a little more about me. Pain, joy, laughter, tears, love, hate, want, need are passing emotion. Only wisdom is seeded deep in the soul so I am always striving for wisdom. Yes, my past pain some time resurfaced and driven my foolishness reaction. But I always try to take time off to slow down to contemplate and never fail to come back with a kinder newer perspective. My philosophy is it takes a stronger person to be kind. Cruel people are usually weak and full of fear. Because of this belief I am sometime give more to the people that hurt me. They need my compassion more; there is a pain that need to be healed behind the rage. So thank you for listening to my soft stories. The stories of victory and defeat; the stories of my life; I wouldn’t have it any other way.

CALM: do not react, speak slowly
RELAXED: smile often
UNCONCERNED: don't worry too much
UNTROUBLED: handle with grace
EASY: speak softly
SATISFIED: say thank you
SIMPLE: accept people for who they are
ENLIGHTEN: trust other will do the right thing
CLARIFY: ask question before assume
CERTAIN: be sure of myself
PROMISING: believe in good thing
RELIABLE: be on time, respect of other schedule

Daily reflection

Grow up and take responsibility for your own emotional and well being. Have a set of moral values that you can believe in and practice daily. Set boundaries so others can understand and respect your stand… Everything I learned very recently but never too late, never too late… I am humbling and grateful for the life 's lessons. I reflect on my own actions and words by watching other's actions and words.  The transformation had taken place so drastically the moment I gave it my attention and support. I am at peace. I am in peace.

Lucy - our lesson of unconditional love

Alyssa was crying when she brought Lucy to me on Saturday’s night. She was worried since her little puppy was acting abnormal. I tried to assure her by examined Lucy and I told her to stop being so paranoid; “Lucy is alright” I said. Sunday morning Alyssa woke me up with Lucy in her arms crying even harder. Lucy now is paralyzed from the waist down. She can’t move her hind legs anymore. I panicked and instant tears came to my eyes. My poor little babies, Alyssa and Lucy; they are both in pain. Given Alyssa is my daughter and Lucy is her puppy, I realized my love is boundless for both of them. There is no separation from human to animal; in love there is no distinction in shape, size, and color. It is just love. I look at my daughter and wondered what about love that when someone you cared for in pain, you are in pain. What part of you conjoined with love’s one that your psyches are now some how mesh.

We took Lucy to the only open emergency vet office in Seattle areas in Fremont. I drove with one hand and the other on Alyssa and Lucy. I wanted to comfort them, to take the pain away from them. I felt so helpless and out of control.

We left Lucy at the emergency room to be watched over night. The doctor was convinced that she had spinal hernia, something that is quite common with Lapso Apso breed. She was put on steroid to calm her hernia and we were hoping that would fix the problem. Many calls back and forth during the day and the doctor finally called with the bad news. She was getting worst and the drug didn’t work. We had to take her to a neurologist. Neurologist for a dog; I was thinking to myself silently, the bill will be astronomical. We went to see the neurologist and it was confirmed that Lucy needed surgery. I had to make the moral decision to let Lucy die slowly with her paralysis or tried to save her with surgery. Alyssa was crying so hard, she said “Mommy I never love anything so much. I don’t want her to die.” I thought of the bill. I evaluated the options. But in my heart I knew what the right thing to do was; I need to give Lucy a chance. So I handed Lucy over the expert asked them to do their best to take care of our little love and make peace with myself. I have to do the right thing or I will never be able to live with myself.

Alyssa told me on the way home that she loves me and thanked me for standing by her, support her, and indulge her love for Lucy. And she said “Mommy, you taught us so much but the most important thing you taught us how to be a good person”.

I am grateful Lucy has taught us a lesson of love. In the darkest hours we have found our lights. We learn in our lives when we love somebody do everything we can to take care of them. Do the best you can and let’s the universe decide the outcome. That is all you needed to do; from moment to moment do the right thing. Love with your heart and not your head. Love is action and not just a word.

Lifecycle of a Broken Heart

Lifecycle of a broken heart
Get very close and get very scared
Push and pull the dance of nightmare
Open up sometime feels like a death
When you have to face sadness and fear
Letting go always bring lots of tears
But it’s worth trying, worth pushing through
This is the only way, living your truth
And with luck you will find a mate
Will take the pain and all your mistakes
Cast it away with forgiveness and care
Will endure and promise to be there
When you crash and your castle falls apart

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wonder who everybody is

Wondering who everybody is... Blood in and nose... Six two or five three... All that.

Brown eyes but see life through rose's color glasses
Black long hair await to be gray
Soft heart despite life's trial and error
That is me or not me


My silent world
That is where I want to be
Full of hopes, dreams, and humanity

My silent soul
That is who I want to be
Full of peace, grace, and humility

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sunny Afternoon

Chatter Box - I sat in the sun and read for hours. It was peaceful but the slow time scared me. The noise got louder and wanted attention. All are in the chase. My thoughts are my shadows and I can't denounce it. But I can acknowledge my thoughts and with the acknowledgement I process and let it go.

Surrender - I planted some roses, pansies, sages, geraniums in a very dry and sunny spot in the garden. Nothing else will survive in this spot but the roses will thrive. There is a place for everything. You have to be open and aware to realize it. There is a reason for where you are and who you are with. Something about letting go and surrender to the universe. Still learning and growing everyday.

Little Boys

Little giggling monsters
How much I miss kissing you
Little hands dirty with mud
Little feet quickly run through the yard
Little chatter box
And laughing all over again
Little boys are made of frog
And nothing nice
Ah the little monsters
Love to make their little sister cry
It has been awhile
Since I hold you in my arms
Tickle you until you run and hide
Ben, Nicholas, Marcus
My little giggling monsters
You better run and hide
Since the kissing monster
Is running right behind

Innocent Love

I was told since I was young
Soft talk and big brown eyes
Day dreaming with soft blue sky
Be protected of this heart of mine
Lost days on mile of hills
Lost nights on sky of stars
Out of reach then and now still
I dream of a love that is so far
When did I realized
The only constant thing in life
Sweet love in this heart of mine
Day comes and day goes
You come and you go
Now I am lost in my skies of stars
And tears of soft brown eyes
Gone the last constant thing in life
Lost the innocent love
In this heart of mine

Sunday, March 8, 2009

You inspired me - from CK

I read you word, memories flash in my mind,
I hearken back to those happy childhood times,
days spent in play, my days of youth,
the world then was filled with simple truths,
and Mom and Dad were always right,
things then seemed so black and white.
And when the sun hid above the clouds,
and on the ground they cast a shroud,
I went on with my childhood games,
for after rain I knew the rainbows came.
Sometimes I long for those easier days,
those happy, carefree, simple ways,
when the world was just a place to play.
But I take comfort in the thought,
of what my age and growth has brought,
I realize that simpler time,
was just a product of my childhood mind,
for as I flourished in my youth,
my parents shielded me from life's harder truths,
they made for me a world with little care,
where dreams came true if you dared
and so as your parents did for you,
you do for your children too,
and as you shield them from the world's hurt and despise,
you may glimpse the world through their eyes,
and in the glimpse of childhood fun and simple truths,
we get a little chance to relive youth...