Saturday, October 24, 2009

Today is all I have

The talk and dance of self

Still the mind so my eyes can open
Still the tongue so my heart can fly
Still the sounds, music, sights, and words
Lift the veil of illusions so I can see real life
The more things are changing the more they
stay the same, I keep running but the road
leads to the same place I came, Life keeps changing
but the core of “I” doesn’t change; part living, part dying
Marching to my train stop; racing to somewhere
where am I racing to?
My mortal life; It's just a flare
News of another soul passed away to a far away place
News of another birth, an innocent soul enters earth to stay
News I woke up this morning and wanting to live
Today is all I have and all I have is today

Tribute to my friend John and his fight against cancer. His words “If I get to do it again, V! I would choose love and life. I will work less, worry less and laugh more. Now every laugh harbors chest pain and tears but I will not stop laughing. Take care of yourself and don’t wait to be happy because life waits for no one!”

Saturday, October 17, 2009


We all want to fly but when and at what price
The caterpillar doesn't want to die
It is beautiful and wonder in its own way
I am once a caterpillar and still a caterpillar
My wings are strong but not yet dry
Attachment, delusions make the web of my cocoon
When and how I can learn to fly
To be free and become one with the open sky

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

As I write this, I am sitting at my large desk in the corner of the room that I use to create my art, paintings in both acrylic and oil, mixed media, in fact anything that I can lay my hands on. Except, aside from the space that I have cleared for my laptop and an even smaller space for my tea, there is no space in this room. This room over the past few weeks has become the dumping ground for 'things' as I have made my way through the house organizing, sorting, and generally re-designing my life through my surroundings.
I sit here, full of hope, new paths laid out before me, I am surrounded by choices and I continue to make what appears to be the right choice each and every time I see a crossroads before me. The desk at this moment complete and utter chaos, yet every other room in the house is clean, re-designed, organized and feels like the future I see before me, so I have in essence begun to create in the present moment the dream of my future. This desk though, represents the part of me that can overwhelm some people, it overwhelms me too, but not for long and not very often, but sometimes, everything piles upon my shoulders and weighs me down in the most crippling of ways. Fear.

The smell of fear... I have lived through it all. Growing up without my parents since I was thirteen; I understand the depth of humility and the pain of struggling alone in this world. I sailed through life with little means but committed to finding happiness in every little thing, finding happiness when there would appear none. For year I have been confused as to who I was but now, I know who I am, I have a strong idea of who I want to be and who I am becoming. And the fear, childhood fear, I went home to my mother to make peace with my pain, my past, my heart. I got my share of love and hugs that I grew up without. I cried my tears. I forgave myself for resenting my parents for sending me so faraway. I forgave my mother for sending me so far away. I held her wrinkled face with my hands and kissed her all over. She looked in my eyes and said "Oh how much you have grown and make me proud". She stroked my hair for hours on the day I planned to fly back to the states. I was on my knees crying quietly in her lap. The physical separation was painful for both of us. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face but my heart is full with love. My mother is right here inside my heart. I am complete, completely as peace with life and with love. Now that it is out there, it is not so bad, as it felt inside of me all alone.

As for this room I will finish writing this and drink the last of my tea. I will redesign my space to reflect my soul, the true me, 100% authentically me.

Friday, October 2, 2009


The only truth
Dwell deeply in your soul, the answer
Is to break the society’s mold
Traveled much through the confounding universe
Dark and light; they separate my sky
Chosen love despite the intense grief
Embraced wisdom to partake my wounds
I chose you to be part of my cocoon
Just to mark another growing spurt
The only truth
How you smiled and how the light reflected in your eyes
Just a glimpse of what would be your sky
Full of sadness but also full of hopes
Our lives, the color of the kaleidoscopes
Can you tell what is false and what is true?
Fighting hard
Against the stigma of the illusions you choose
Or just rest on the laurel of truth

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Mystery of the heart

Unravel the mystery of the heart
The quest of million years research
And will be another million years after you
What makes the butterflies fluttered
Will also make the heart tender
The twinkle in your lover’s eyes
The lines of a smiling face
The reflection of the sky
You fall in love and out of love
Keep searching for the one divine
Gentle hand and warm embrace
Lover, best friend, or one of a kind?