Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A good day

If I love you with all my heart what would you give me in return? She asked me and she didn't want my answer. She said she loves me anyway.

Wake up at 9. Have a cup of espresso with Baileys. Sit in the sun. Play fetch with Kai. Trim the roses. Plant some tulips. Have strawberries and mango for lunch. Sit in the sun some more. Walk Kai to the beach. Take a bath. Get dressed and drive to a blind wine tasting party. Try to pace myself by taking very small sips of wine. Help rate the best wine. Mingle with other women. Plan next girl's trip. Leave to meet friends for a late night dinner. Feel like an island floating in the Pacific Ocean. The out of body experience of living aware; watching and listening. My mind is racing and computing the information offered, total disillusion; the complicated process of past, present, and future experiences weaves together into the tapestry of human interrelation; my own experience. The stimulation of energy swapping is mind boggling. Like the floor on Wall Street, everybody is selling and/or buying dreams; swapping, exchanging, sizzling. Prices based on demand; illusions? Smile, laugh, talk and go home before the clock strikes at midnight.

I find solitude so much easier to handle. Sitting in the garden with Kai and the trees and the sun; the world seems perfect, united. The energy is abundance and free... no string attached... pure giving and receiving. But it is easy to be competent, content, joyful and alone during day's light hours. Only after sunset, when the air is so still and the shadows come out to dance. When even a thick blanket and heat at highest setting don’t seem to take away the chill. Like a friend quoted in his journal “At night fear like water seeped in the crevices of my heart, my soul and take away the power of my freewill”. The darkness of the soul; where so much has been concealed for a person to be as peace with himself. He calls it the dark well. I like to compare it to the ocean; alluring, peaceful, immeasurable, dangerous, and capricious; not in any orders.

I am in the picture, I can't see the picture
Hide my shell whisper in solitude
The mind's eyes search for the absolute
The only shadow, the reflection of my soul
The secret hours, the quiet hours
When wisdom rides on the wings of dove
When wisdom speaks the tongue of love

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