Five years ago when I landed at Seatac airport for the first time in May, I was overwhelmed with the trees, the city, and the waters. I traveled to major cities quite a bit for work but Seattle is different. Something is so mystical about Seattle; it was love at first sight. I spent days wandering around downtown after work. I found old book stores, little coffee shops, and kind people. Kind people are everywhere and I was wondering to myself what it would be like to live in Seattle.
Today I find myself living in Seattle. How did I get here? How did my wish manifest itself into reality? So do we always get what we want? I think I got everything that I wanted. I believe at a deep subconscious level I conjured my dreams into reality.
I walk away from my past, my pain, my lost, and my gain. I left behind “my everything” in hope to find everything. I change my life to focus on what is important to me; living my Truth.
And here I am again. Got wrap up, drawn in by the complexity of human realm. Anytime I feel lost in my own emotion and other’s emotion I tried to retreat into my world of truth and center myself in my own safe haven. What is real and what is not. What have I learned and unlearned along the way. Other found me strong, self-assured and assertive. I find myself confused and lost all the time.
Standing tall, believing in myself; all of this can fall down at any moment if I don’t do the right thing; if I don’t walk my talk; if I stop practicing accordingly to my code of ethics. The most critical critics are the internal critics. The price of not knowing myself is the biggest risk. I don’t worry about what people thinks about me. But I care what I think of myself. At which point that I would compromise and betray my commitment to live my truth? At which point that I start to put other needs and wants above my own sanity? It happened before and I won’t allow myself to fall back in that trap again.
I will sit here and stare at the wall until my mind is still and my heart is clear again. I need to protect of my world, my peace, my life.