Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Letter to Thi

Silly Thi, I quarreled, I got frustrated, and I rebelled against my family, friends, and culture. 

I was suffocated under the microscope and I break out. But never once I stop loving anybody including you. Don’t you remember when we lost touch after I moved and you moved with your aunt to another place back the 80s? I kept looking for you. I kept searching for the only girlfriend I love. When Jennie found me thru Ngoc Ha and invited me up to San Jose for a visit. I told everybody about you and was hoping that some how I will find you again. I found you… Maybe I never told you this, but I love you dearly. We were different then and we are different now but through out time I really appreciate you for who you are. Not the wild young Thi or the mature adult Thi. I just love the core of Thi; kind and loving. Maybe the biggest struggle I have in life is to bridge this internal struggle of trying to be what expected of me and what I want to be. I have a free spirit and there is no doubt about that. I was passionate about life since I was a tiny little bud. I wrote poetry since I was 8 and didn’t show it to anybody. 

I don’t want to stop living life or experience life just because what others think but I can’t help feeling resentful when they judge me. 

I needed you to be on my side and I was hurt because your opinion of me was different than what I thought it would be. I need the one I love to accept me. That was all. You have changed. I have changed. I don’t remember why and how we quarrel anymore, but I remember sitting behind you in the bicycle when you tow me around town in Dalat. I remember sleeping on the floor with you at Di Tam’s house during my summer break. I still have your letters from back then. I remember a lot of things and I don’t let go of the thing that really matter. 

My love for you is running deeper than my ego… I will love you and be your friend until we are gray and old. Our history is too deep for me or you to let go. I lost you once before I won’t let it to happen again. Just like I said before we are not sister by blood, but we are sister by love. Always,

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