Existence

There is a moment in the middle of a yoga pose, the instructor reminds all to make peace with the “asana”, your breath. To bring your focus back to the third eye and make peace with the pose. The moment where my thousand tongues stop, my breath deepens, and I sink deeper into my body. The earth vibrates through the balls of my feet, the lightness of the air slowly folds into me. Every cell sings and flows like a song. I can’t tell where I begin and where the other ends. Surroundings become a blur and I smile, slowly into myself; eyes closed and I smile. The joy of being in the present is so powerful, the act itself blooms into a smile; the Buddha’s smile. I experience existence in every pore of my body. Head held high, back straight, smiling.
There is nothing else I need to learn at this moment. There is nothing else I need to do. Everything has happened, happened. Everything is exactly where it is. I am exactly where I am. Just is, the true heart, my true nature. I have arrived, I am home and unto myself. Nothing needs to change, just is. The moment of peace, of love; transcendent and peaceful.

Pain and joy are part of my making; only I can distinguish
The world is not perfect and I can't fix everything
I excel in my own imperfection and embrace other's imperfection
Nothing has to be forever or perfect or according to my wish
Life is full of ebb and flow; just what I need, you need
One heart beat, one rhythm, one chaotic universe; we are part of creation
You and I; our uniqueness add color and shape to this beautiful world

In all that I do

The danger with insights is that they are over simplified. No one things is more profound than anything else. I can reverse almost everything I have written and it is equally true.

I thought I knew
This turning turning turning of truth
Nothing standing still
And yet the great stillness
and the sameness
The knowing and never knowing...
The absolute stillness of the night
melting
into perfect peace

I believe that at least one of the reason why prayer, relaxation drills, yoga, mediation, breathing concentration and awareness exercises bring peace and dissolve problems is that they force an end to the merry go round of thinking. Either during or after these practices we do something rare; we stop and listen. It is not that I am not listening. It is that I am listening to something else. Stop the thousand tongues in my head; silent inside, silent outside and then there would be peace, the absolute stillness of peace...

In my struggle to be real, to be centered, to be me, have I left a place for you?

Random Thoughts

Salt Water - Can the ocean be your muse? Can it inspire you to not just simply see different things but to see things differently?

Character - Strength is not in force. Strength is in compassion and kindness of action.

Give the gift of happiness - I am wild about lasting impressions

Make a world of difference - There are a million reasons to make memories together do you know?

Something good is bound to happen
This is no time to think small
Create something great
Change a life

From dream to reality - If you've turn your dream into reality, let the world know

Pain - If you don't know what cause a person pain, you don't know how to love them

Compassion - Real teacher of compassion is love. The seed is sown very early in our childhood with our mother

Humility - Life is not always about you. It is not about a destination. Stay true to yourself, do your best each step of the way and you will never have to worry about destiny.

Le Mystère Du Coeur

Défaites le mystère du coeur
La quête de million de recherche d'années
Et sera un autre million d'ans après que vous
Ce qui fait les papillons a battu
Fera aussi l'offre du cœur
Le scintillement dans les yeux de votre amant
Les lignes d'un visage souriant
La réflexion du ciel
Vous tombez amoureux et de l'amour
Continuez à chercher un divin
Étreinte de mains et chaude douce
L'amant, le meilleur ami, ou une d'une sorte ?

My butterflies

A mother’s love
Where it ends and where it begins?
I watch my angels grow
Those eyes, those lips, those hands used to be so small
Those little fingers used to hang on to my sleeve
Those little lips used to chirp like little birds
Those little eyes used to shine into my heart
Where has time gone?
It was yesterday that I hold you
In my cradle close to my heart
I love you and I give you my life
Each breath I take harbored the lives of three
Each step I take carried the weight of you and me
It has been awhile since I stop and notice
Of how much you have grown
And how much you have made me proud
And I wonder how much I remember
How much I have kept in my heart
The memories of the two little girls
With little hands, little feet, and little eyes
Today I miss dearly
The two little angels that call me Mommy

The space between

Another change, another destination, another phase…The fall of WAMU is now creating new opportunities and new directions in my destiny… East Coast and Bay Areas employment opportunities are calling my name… Decision, cross-road, destiny…The little girl in me is frightened with the changes around me. The engineer, survivor in me said “Toughen up kid here come the ride of your life, again”. Five wonderful years in the Emerald City and my heart is just now taking roots… I love Seattle but is it meant to be? I am looking for sign and maybe I am looking too hard. But I know this for a fact; it doesn’t matter where I go… I will carry you with me… your kind heart, your friendship, and the wisdom that you have shared with me…

Now let's see where the wind of change will take you, me…

The space between, where I can’t see the horizon
Where the past hasn’t gone away completely and the future hasn’t revealed itself
The space between, where my heart resides and my head resists
Where logic dictates my actions but the pain is hard to miss
Where instinct and rationale raised war on the battle field of choice
The space between, feels like the door is closing and I am hanging on by a thread
Another phase is coming and my world is still enclosed within past memories instead
Trust, faith; believe in the universal truth, do good and do well
But well and good cost a soul and some heartbreak
Cost a lifetime of searching and growing, cost lots of tears and strength to hang on
Cost a heart and dreams of a little girl, brown eyed girl
Balls of steel, iron will, dead on focus
The weight of the world or the weight of my own choices
Square shoulders, head held high; it is just another phase?
Revolving doors, why can’t I stand still?

Authentic Self

I wonder to myself if I let go of all my possession, my load lighten
Would I be a lesser version of myself?
Would love, passion, friendship shift color and change shape?
Would I be free of expectation, my own jail cell?
I wonder if you lose all your passion, your soul, and faith
You would be a different person with different shape and form?
Your eyes glazed, twisted limp, crooked teeth
Would your appearance dictate what is going on inside your soul?
I wonder if love, trust, faith would endure life's hardship
Would love give you wings to rise above the pain
Would trust give you strength to withstand the hard rain
Would faith install peace in the evolving chaos?
I wonder life is a rainbow full of colors, the reflection of my sky
We all share this sky, but why can't you see through my eyes?

If I change, I know life with the colorful rainbow would still be mine!

My Father

I didn't get to know you as a young man
I saw your pictures; with twinkle eyes
hands on hips by the sea you stand
The image of a father, a happy man
Wild heart, poetry, and romance
With your legend, Dad! I don't stand a chance

Now you are gone I have only wishes
More time together so I can shower you with kisses
To tell you my stories of how strong I have become
Mortal words, mortal pain; how much I have changed

With much prayers, hopes, and spirits
I will try to remember everything you did
Everything you tried to teach and share
And every time I catch a glimpse of the open sky
I will remember of how you wanted me to fly
With warm heart and on a straight line
Just like you said; “A golden heart is hard to find”
Dad! I miss you

Compassionate Heart

In hard time don’t forget we are made of light and energy
That our existence interlink with the rest of the universe
That our thoughts and actions carry more weight than we can ever imagine
That our hopes and loves give hope and love to others
That the torch we are carrying is the same one our ancestors upheld, millions of year ago
In their footsteps, we are carrying on their warrior blood lines, their legends

In hard time foster on inner peace and your compassionate heart
What we need is so little, what we want is inconclusive
Count on your blessing instead of curse, don’t despair
Don’t forget to say thank you, greet the day with gratitude
Every breath we take is a gift, don’t waste it
Next time you inhale, smile before you exhale
Breathe in the suffering life harbored on the less unfortunate
And breathe out the compassionate of your being

In hard time I won’t forget
My time here is short, but my influence is vast
I can make a difference with my little effort; one life, one voice
That is all I have to offer, but I am willing to offer
I want to see the world and share my stories
I want to see you happy and hear your stories
The twist and turn and all the other curves on the path we travel
Stay well, stay strong and know every time you smile, I smile
And every time you cry, I will be there with my arms spread
I will catch you with everything I have; my heart is with you, all of my being

Positive or negative, the seed is in you; cultivate the love and desire that will embrace your soul

Heart song

Hope is nudging me to pet her. She won't let me hold her but she wants to be petted. I said to Hope "Can you just sit still and let me hold you, please? It would be so much more fun for both of us" but she will have none of it. Now she is sitting at the end of the sofa dozing off but still keeping her guard up. Perfect example of human relationship.

“If relationships were restaurants, I’d like the check please,” I said to my friend the other day after agonizing over the complexity of love. Are we scared to be loved? Or have both men and women’s pride been equalized, leaving both sexes defensive and guarded of their hearts and feelings.

As I look back on my past relationship essentially, I realize that I never told the other person how I really felt about them. And even still, when I have rarely ever verbally expressed my emotions or pursued someone who I have been so blindly in love with, I have gotten hurt.

Sometimes I think about how things would be different if I addressed the white elephant in the room- if I had just admitted to being helplessly and so defenselessly in love. Would that have made a difference?

When all is said and done, or in my case unsaid and undone, I cannot help but believe perspective of love is skewed. Women are expected to believe that ‘he’s just not that into you’ while men try to conceal their emotions to protect themselves from being hurt.

It’s a terribly painful double edged sword. And at the end of the day I wonder, should love be this difficult? My friend responded to me and said, “relationships are a seven course meal, and you are just beginning your appetizers.”

The answer though is really for you to decide.

But I promise you, dear soulmate, that I love you. And I always will. And maybe that is enough to make me believe why it never worked out with anyone else.