Today is all I have

The talk and dance of self

Still the mind so my eyes can open
Still the tongue so my heart can fly
Still the sounds, music, sights, and words
Lift the veil of illusions so I can see real life
The more things are changing the more they
stay the same, I keep running but the road
leads to the same place I came, Life keeps changing
but the core of “I” doesn’t change; part living, part dying
Marching to my train stop; racing to somewhere
where am I racing to?
My mortal life; It's just a flare
News of another soul passed away to a far away place
News of another birth, an innocent soul enters earth to stay
News I woke up this morning and wanting to live
Today is all I have and all I have is today

Tribute to my friend John and his fight against cancer. His words “If I get to do it again, V! I would choose love and life. I will work less, worry less and laugh more. Now every laugh harbors chest pain and tears but I will not stop laughing. Take care of yourself and don’t wait to be happy because life waits for no one!”

Butterflies

We all want to fly but when and at what price
The caterpillar doesn't want to die
It is beautiful and wonder in its own way
I am once a caterpillar and still a caterpillar
My wings are strong but not yet dry
Attachment, delusions make the web of my cocoon
When and how I can learn to fly
To be free and become one with the open sky

As I write this, I am sitting at my large desk in the corner of the room that I use to create my art, paintings in both acrylic and oil, mixed media, in fact anything that I can lay my hands on. Except, aside from the space that I have cleared for my laptop and an even smaller space for my tea, there is no space in this room. This room over the past few weeks has become the dumping ground for 'things' as I have made my way through the house organizing, sorting, and generally re-designing my life through my surroundings.
I sit here, full of hope, new paths laid out before me, I am surrounded by choices and I continue to make what appears to be the right choice each and every time I see a crossroads before me. The desk at this moment complete and utter chaos, yet every other room in the house is clean, re-designed, organized and feels like the future I see before me, so I have in essence begun to create in the present moment the dream of my future. This desk though, represents the part of me that can overwhelm some people, it overwhelms me too, but not for long and not very often, but sometimes, everything piles upon my shoulders and weighs me down in the most crippling of ways. Fear.

The smell of fear... I have lived through it all. Growing up without my parents since I was thirteen; I understand the depth of humility and the pain of struggling alone in this world. I sailed through life with little means but committed to finding happiness in every little thing, finding happiness when there would appear none. For year I have been confused as to who I was but now, I know who I am, I have a strong idea of who I want to be and who I am becoming. And the fear, childhood fear, I went home to my mother to make peace with my pain, my past, my heart. I got my share of love and hugs that I grew up without. I cried my tears. I forgave myself for resenting my parents for sending me so faraway. I forgave my mother for sending me so far away. I held her wrinkled face with my hands and kissed her all over. She looked in my eyes and said "Oh how much you have grown and make me proud". She stroked my hair for hours on the day I planned to fly back to the states. I was on my knees crying quietly in her lap. The physical separation was painful for both of us. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face but my heart is full with love. My mother is right here inside my heart. I am complete, completely as peace with life and with love. Now that it is out there, it is not so bad, as it felt inside of me all alone.

As for this room I will finish writing this and drink the last of my tea. I will redesign my space to reflect my soul, the true me, 100% authentically me.

Kaleidoscopes

The only truth
Dwell deeply in your soul, the answer
Is to break the society’s mold
Traveled much through the confounding universe
Dark and light; they separate my sky
Chosen love despite the intense grief
Embraced wisdom to partake my wounds
I chose you to be part of my cocoon
Just to mark another growing spurt
The only truth
How you smiled and how the light reflected in your eyes
Just a glimpse of what would be your sky
Full of sadness but also full of hopes
Our lives, the color of the kaleidoscopes
Can you tell what is false and what is true?
Fighting hard
Against the stigma of the illusions you choose
Or just rest on the laurel of truth

Mystery of the heart

Unravel the mystery of the heart
The quest of million years research
And will be another million years after you
What makes the butterflies fluttered
Will also make the heart tender
The twinkle in your lover’s eyes
The lines of a smiling face
The reflection of the sky
You fall in love and out of love
Keep searching for the one divine
Gentle hand and warm embrace
Lover, best friend, or one of a kind?

Traveling through the limits

In the limits of the desire
we sight the impossible thing
in a vision that returns
more imaginary than real
In this diffuse image
that gets lost in the mysterious thing
we make out impossible grandeur
that show the indelible thing
Abyss or truth?
After this intuition
of distant landscapes
impossible horizons
and dark dawns
it stirs up in us
the most intimate explosion
and uncontrolled of desires
where we make a mistake
with life
with time
and with a " not itself what "
that impels us to feel
After it, the plenitude moves away from us


Love is a disease no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured.

Eros

Dream, awaken, dream, awaken, awaken, and yet it is all dream.
Life is but an illusion
A product of my perception, my collection of dreams
Let not your heart be troubled
Wherever you travel there will be wind and waves
Ebb and flow the moon and sun have its own phase
If I don't wander how could I ever be found?
Reach for the divine, my higher-self remised
Reach for the light, in which darkness doesn't exist
It is desire that take us on the path we travel
It is fate that bring us together on the cross-road
It is love that keep you close to my heart
What is more important than seeing with my eyes?
Seeing into my own heart, although the song in the heart is silent
The art of love, the ability to express, the gift beyond gift
To feel you without seeing you, to love you without having you
All rivers continue to flow to the ocean, cosmic consciousness
receives them all

Only a cloud, knows the feeling of a cloud...

Existence

There is a moment in the middle of a yoga pose, the instructor reminds all to make peace with the “asana”, your breath. To bring your focus back to the third eye and make peace with the pose. The moment where my thousand tongues stop, my breath deepens, and I sink deeper into my body. The earth vibrates through the balls of my feet, the lightness of the air slowly folds into me. Every cell sings and flows like a song. I can’t tell where I begin and where the other ends. Surroundings become a blur and I smile, slowly into myself; eyes closed and I smile. The joy of being in the present is so powerful, the act itself blooms into a smile; the Buddha’s smile. I experience existence in every pore of my body. Head held high, back straight, smiling.
There is nothing else I need to learn at this moment. There is nothing else I need to do. Everything has happened, happened. Everything is exactly where it is. I am exactly where I am. Just is, the true heart, my true nature. I have arrived, I am home and unto myself. Nothing needs to change, just is. The moment of peace, of love; transcendent and peaceful.

Pain and joy are part of my making; only I can distinguish
The world is not perfect and I can't fix everything
I excel in my own imperfection and embrace other's imperfection
Nothing has to be forever or perfect or according to my wish
Life is full of ebb and flow; just what I need, you need
One heart beat, one rhythm, one chaotic universe; we are part of creation
You and I; our uniqueness add color and shape to this beautiful world

In all that I do

The danger with insights is that they are over simplified. No one things is more profound than anything else. I can reverse almost everything I have written and it is equally true.

I thought I knew
This turning turning turning of truth
Nothing standing still
And yet the great stillness
and the sameness
The knowing and never knowing...
The absolute stillness of the night
melting
into perfect peace

I believe that at least one of the reason why prayer, relaxation drills, yoga, mediation, breathing concentration and awareness exercises bring peace and dissolve problems is that they force an end to the merry go round of thinking. Either during or after these practices we do something rare; we stop and listen. It is not that I am not listening. It is that I am listening to something else. Stop the thousand tongues in my head; silent inside, silent outside and then there would be peace, the absolute stillness of peace...

In my struggle to be real, to be centered, to be me, have I left a place for you?

Random Thoughts

Salt Water - Can the ocean be your muse? Can it inspire you to not just simply see different things but to see things differently?

Character - Strength is not in force. Strength is in compassion and kindness of action.

Give the gift of happiness - I am wild about lasting impressions

Make a world of difference - There are a million reasons to make memories together do you know?

Something good is bound to happen
This is no time to think small
Create something great
Change a life

From dream to reality - If you've turn your dream into reality, let the world know

Pain - If you don't know what cause a person pain, you don't know how to love them

Compassion - Real teacher of compassion is love. The seed is sown very early in our childhood with our mother

Humility - Life is not always about you. It is not about a destination. Stay true to yourself, do your best each step of the way and you will never have to worry about destiny.